Merry Christmas in the NFL

They break out of the huddle
The center snaps the ball
The quarterback’s fading
He throws long, he’s got it
Touchdown!

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through my brain
there’s footballs and thoughts of the upcoming game.
My team colors were hung
by the television set
In hopes they’d make it to the Super Bowl yet.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
And what, with my wondering eyes should be seen,
but Howard Cosell in a black limousine.

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too,
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

He warmed up, then sprinted
and dodged as he came,
whistling and shouting and calling by name:
Now Houston, now Dallas, now Pittsburgh, now Green Bay,
on Denver, on Cleveland, on Oakland and L.A.

His eyes, how they twinkled
his nose like a cherry,
he brought Christmas cards from Franco and Terry.
And best wishes from Fran and Dandy Don, too,
along with a pair of their old football shoes

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too,
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

He opened his bag full of presents for me,
jerseys and kneepads and kicking tees.
And record books containing all of the facts,
and highlight tapes for my Betamax.

He selected the tape of Super Bowl Seven
and we recapped the game ‘til well past eleven.
When the last play was run he picked his bag off the floor,
ran a play up the middle and right out the door.

He lit a cigar, smiled and then,
motioned his arm: First down and ten.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
“Merry Christmas to all! See you next Monday night!”

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too,
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas!
Hey, that’s Pete Rozelle!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too
Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells…
And cheerleader pictures
…jingle all the way
Autographed to you!

It’s Merry Christmas!
Hey, Cosell! Next Christmas, how about…
Merry Christmas!
…bringing Don Meredith.
Aw, He’s my favorite TV actor
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too…
I love football!
…and cheerleader pictures autographed to you!
Hey, woman, how ‘bout running back to the refrigerator
and hiking me a cold beer… .

Willis “The Guard” & Vigorish
Music and Lyrics: Gerald Buckner and Gary Garcia
Published: Handshake Records Inc.
©1980 BGO Music Inc. (ASCAP)


R is for Redskins
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