They break out of the huddle
The center snaps the ball
The quarterback’s fading
He throws long, he’s got it
Touchdown!

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through my brain
there’s footballs and thoughts of the upcoming game.
My team colors were hung
by the television set
In hopes they’d make it to the Super Bowl yet.

When out on the street there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
And what, with my wondering eyes should be seen
but Howard Cosell in a black limousine.

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

He warmed up, then sprinted
and dodged as he came
whistling and shouting and calling by name:
Now Houston, now Dallas, now Pittsburgh, now Green Bay,
on Denver, on Cleveland, on Oakland and L.A.

His eyes, how they twinkled
his nose like a cherry
he brought Christmas cards from Franco and Terry.
And best wishes from Fran and Dandy Don, too
along with a pair of their old football shoes.

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

He opened his bag full of presents for me
jerseys and kneepads and kicking tees.
And record books containing all of the facts
and highlight tapes for my Betamax.

He selected the tape of Super Bowl Seven
and we recapped the game ‘til well past eleven.
When the last play was run he picked his bag off the floor
ran a play up the middle and right out the door.

He lit a cigar, smiled and then
motioned his arm: First down and ten.
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
“Merry Christmas to all! See you next Monday night!”

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas and we wish you well!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too
and cheerleader pictures
autographed to you!

It’s Merry Christmas in the NFL!
Merry Christmas!
Hey, that’s Pete Rozelle!
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too
Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells…
And cheerleader pictures
…jingle all the way
Autographed to you!

It’s Merry Christmas!
Hey, Cosell! Next Christmas, how about…
Merry Christmas!
…bringing Don Meredith.
Aw, He’s my favorite TV actor
Here’s a helmet, a whistle too…
I love football!
…and cheerleader pictures autographed to you!
Hey, woman, how ‘bout running back to the refrigerator
and hiking me a cold beer… .

Willis “The Guard” & Vigorish
Music and Lyrics: Gerald Buckner and Gary Garcia
Published: Handshake Records Inc.
©1980 BGO Music Inc. (ASCAP)

R is for Redskins
Juliet had it right. The Redskins by any other name would still be the Redskins. And would still be smelly.

National Hm-hmm League
Football was never meant to be perfect. Or fair. The game is a battle of wills and brute force. It was meant to be played. And it was meant to hurt.