3 gals. Milk
2 qts. Blueberries
1 pt. Strawberries
Bananas (peeled and frozen)
½ pt. Greek Yogurt
lb. of Bacon
Out Behind the Barn:
Pour into a five gallon home-improvement bucket (the white food-safe kind not the orange ones) your milk of choice… coconut, goat, magnesia.
Deep-six the fruit and berries. Substitute some personal favorites or any with serious detox values. (The hue and grit may change but probably not the taste.)
Apple slices and Clementines for Fiber and Vitamin C
Cranberries and Avocados for Potassium and Vitamin E
Cherries for antioxidants
and Chia seeds for the heck of it.
Whip into a frothy lather using a 15 amp electric drill chucked with a spiral paint mixer.
Gather and Snip the umbilical cords to:
Nosy neighbor Ring
…and whatever other palm idols and igadgets you can lay your mitts on.
(Seriously… an internet surfing fridge?)
Set atop the stone wall next to the LED edgelit 4k Ultra-HD interactive TV (and cable ‘cuffs).
Load up a Remington 870 with double-aught zombie repellant and UNSUBSCRIBE ALL into granola bits.
• Gunsite™ rules reign supreme
• Consult local HOA ordinances for loopholes
• Not recommended in bicoastal city-scapes run by ballot-looting ‘rats
• Aim clear of neighbor’s bikini’d bathing beauty
Baptize the larger circuits and transistor chunks in the fruity mix, then Top with Reddi-Wip® and Sprinkle liberally with leftover pixels and bits.
Serves: Me and my house
Calories: More than enough
Prep Time: Hard to say (Everything but grampa’s pocket watch is in the drink.)
Breathe in the deep-cleansing grayish wisps of gunpowder sifting lightly on the brisk morning breeze, and the spirit-lifting whiff of nitrous-oxide propelled sweetened whipped cream.
In the Kitchen:
The aroma of freshly-brewed arabica beans and a sizzling cast iron skillet beckons…
Coffee, dark. Sweeten to taste
(If you hafta ask… flavored non-dairy creamers are for weenies.)
Bacon hardwood smoked and eggs Grade A Large. Season to suit.
For that festive holiday garnish, sprinkle with red and green bell pepper chips.
On the Sunporch:
Dust-filled streams of morning light fall long across the parchment pages of the well-worn and cracked leather-bound AUTHORIZED VERSION.
Sunrise Psalms (one a day for a week):
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.
From the rising of the sun unto the going down of the same, the Lord’s name is to be praised.
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord.
One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.
My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee.
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.
Back in the Kitchen:
Clean-up: Soak dishes n’pans and that spiral thing in a sudsy sink for the lady of the house. She feigns a smile –
Have It Your Way!
You’ll notice many changes. To begin with, the original menu was scrapped in favor of a version that is more inclusive.
Let’s Eat Grandma
Hold up on that blue haired buffet, we need a quick powwow with the shoot eating panda.