Miracle on 34th Street: May 18th

Featured

Posted on by

ᴄᴀsᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs:

George Strait: Kris Kringle
Tina Fey: Doris Walker
Perry Como: Fred Gailey
Pernell Roberts: Julian Shellhammer
Pope John Paul II: R.H. Macy
Reggie Jackson: Granville Sawyer
Frank Capra: District Attorney Thomas Mara
The Concrete Cowboy: Judge Henry Harper

♪ “Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! Jingle all the way…!” ♬

Macy’s annual Thanksgiving Day parade is about to sing and dance its way down festive 34th Street, kicking off yet another hectic holiday season with the arrival of Santa Claus. But one character decided to start the celebration early…

Tina: Why aren’t you in your costume – oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were our Santa.

George: Your Santa is intoxicated.

Tina: Oh, no! Not again!

George: Shameful. Absolutely shameful.

Tina (thinking quickly): Could you be our Santa Claus? I mean… have you had any experience playing Santa Claus?

George (chuckling to himself): Not really.

Tina: Oh, please. There just isn’t time to get anyone else.

George: Madam, I am not in the habit of playing spurious Santas.

But as soft-hearted Kris looks around, he reconsiders.

George: Oh, well… the children mustn’t be disappointed.

Tina: Someone get some coffee – black!

George: …with just a little Jack.

Kris is so convincing that Mrs. Walker hires him to pose as Macy’s store Santa pushing overstock in Mr. Shellhammer’s toy department.

While there, Kris is visited by Mrs. Walker’s daughter Susan and friendly neighbor Fred Gailey, much to the disappoinment of Susan’s mother.

Perry (hesitantly): I shouldn’t have brought Susan down to see Santa Claus.

Tina: Now, you’re making me feel like the proverbial step-mother.

Perry: I just didn’t think there was any harm in having her say hello to the old man.

Tina: But I think there is. I tell her Santa Claus isn’t real and she comes here and meets a very convincing old man with whiskers and a cowboy hat.

Perry: So, no myths, no legends, no Saturday Night Live…

Tina: And no fairy tales. I believe we should be completely truthful and up-front with children. A girl spends her whole life waiting for Prince Charming only to wake-up and find that her TV show has been cancelled, no one’s laughing at her jokes, and…

Perry: We were talkng about Susan.

The store’s new Santa has created quite a stir, and Mrs. Walker and Mr. Shellhammer are summoned to the office of R.H. Macy. The room is filled with suits and ties. They enter apprehensively…

John Paul (warmly): Oh, come in! I should be mad and I can’t say I agree with you not informing the Marketing Department, but gentlemen, you can’t argue with success. Imagine, a guitar pickin’ Santa sending all our customers to Billy Bob’s ATF shop.

Some of the button’d down executives appear unsettled and attempt to interupt, but Mr. Macy persists…

John Paul: I admit that on the surface this idea sounds a little Redneck and maybe a bit too Protestant, but given the over-whelming response from the public… notes are pouring from all over – the governor’s wife, the mayor’s wife, The Grand Ol’ Opry, The Vatican… .

As the meeting breaks-up for the evening, Mrs. Walker and Mr. Shellhammer slip away down the hall…

Pernell: He just assumed it was our idea, so –

Tina (downcast): I fired Santa Claus.

Pernell: You what?

Tina: He thinks he really is George Strait.

Pernell: I don’t care if he thinks he’s Dolly Parton!

Tina: He’s crazy, I tell you.

Pernell: But he sang Amarillo by Morning to that little girl. …in Dutch, no less.

Tina: Yeah, well… just because I think I’m an actress, that doesn’t make me Maureen O’Hara.

Pernell (hopefully): Maybe he’s only a little crazy – like Willie Nelson or Patsy Cline.

Tina: We’ll just have to hire another Santa.

Pernell: Oh, no – you heard Mr. Macy: Every time Santa sings, our cash registers ring.

Mrs. Walker and Mr. Shellhammer agree to have Kris visit the store’s notorious psychologist.

George: Reggie! Am I glad to see you.

Reggie: My name is Dr. Sawyer. I’m a psychologist.

George: No, you’re an outfielder with a weakness for sliders.

Reggie: I’m a doctor. See? It says so here on my diploma.

George: Reg – that’s your old Yankee jersey.

Reggie (frustrated): How about we start with a couple of questions, shall we?

George: A mental exam?

Reggie: Uhmmm, No… just a few quick pitches.

George: Okay. How many fingers am I holding up?

Reggie: Two – that’s a curveball.

George: Very good. Now…

Reggie: Wait a minute! The test is for you!

George: Reg, I was only playing Santa as a favor to Tina.

Reggie: That’s interesting. When did you stop believing in yourself?

George: I’ve never stopped…

Reggie: So, you admit it – you are Santa Claus.

George: No, I admit that I’m a Grammy winning Country music artist performing at the Garden on Christmas Eve.

Reggie (scoffing): You? The squealing belt on my Nomad makes better music than you.

George: Well, I’ve hit more home runs than you with the backside of my guitar… in the key of C!

Reggie: Oh yeah! Hit this!

Dr. Sawyer hurls a World Series autographed commemorative horsehide across the room, which with a sharp swack, Kris line-drives straight back knocking Dr. Sawyer completely off his noggin.

…which is not the story he gave Mrs. Walker and Mr. Shellhammer when he finally came to.

Tina: Somebody get some water!

Pernell: Look at that bump!

Reggie: See? I told you. He swings that Gibson like a Louisville Slugger.

Pernell: I’m afraid he’s right.

Reggie: He needs to be sent to the loony bin.

Pernell: And you… to the minors.

On his way to see Mr. Macy, Kris is intercepted and quietly wisked away in a dark sedan to the Bellevue Mental Hospital. Now confined to white walled acoustic cell, Kris receives a visitor…

Perry: Why’d you do it?

George: I don’t know – it was low and inside.

Perry: You sound like Sawyer.

George: He thinks he’s Mr. October! And yet, he’s out there and I’m in here. If that’s normal, I want no part of it.

Perry: You’ve been playing without a helmet.

George: Well, if it was you in here instead of me, Tina’d be out there raising you know what.

Perry: I just spoke to Doris – she knew nothing about this.

George: Well, I’m glad for that. But she had her doubts.

Perry: Okay. But she hasn’t really believed in anything since 30 Rock.

George: Truth is… I’ve been worried about this for a long time. People are more interested in pretty lights and the show – they’ve forgotten the true meaning of Country music.

Perry: What about all those mic-spitting rappers who never even heard of Johnny Cash or Charlie Daniels? What about them? Who’s gonna fill your boots if you pull a fade like St. Nick on Christmas day?

George (mumbling to himself): Hadn’t thought about it quite like that.

Perry: And what about Susan – are you giving up on her?

George: You gonna sing now? This is no Como Christmas Special!

Perry: You can’t let her down, Kris. Who knows… maybe someday Dr. Sawyer will be locked up in here. With Taylor Swift.

George: You’re right. I should be ashamed of myself. Let’s get outa here!

Perry: Now hold on a minute, Kris. You flunked your test, remember?

George: Oh, yeah. That’s right. I told them the father of our country was Hank Williams.

Perry: I can just imagine what they’re thinin’ about you for saying that!

George: You hafta get me outa here, Perry.

Perry: Now Kris, you’re putting me in an awful spot.

George: You can do it – I have faith in you.

Perry: Well, I guess… even If we can’t win, we can at least go down swinging.

George: Now you sound like Dr. Sawyer.

It’s Christmas Eve, and a commitment hearing for Kris begins at New York Superior Court. Kris reads a note slipped to him from Doris: “I believe in you.”

George: That’s not funny, Tina!

Frank: Your Honor – in light of the fact that today is Christmas Eve and that we all have tickets for the George Strait concert tonight at the Garden, I urge the court to sign the Kris Kringle commitment papers immediately.

Perry (entering abruptly): Your honor, there seems to be some undue haste in this case. I want to protect my client’s rights.

Concrete Cowboy: …as do I, Mr. Gailey.

Perry: If Your Honor signs those papers, there won’t be a concert tonight or any night.

Frank (interrupting): Your Honor, the defendant believes that he is George Strait.

Concrete Cowboy: We are all well aware of the opinions of the District Attorney.

Frank: Not only that, but the defendant is dangerous, Your Honor. He assaulted Dr. Sawyer, Macy’s company psychologist.

Concrete Cowboy: That charge was dismissed – the victim was a Yankee.

Frank: Your Honor, the defendant is clearly delusional.

Perry: I suggest that’s merely a matter of opinion.

Frank: Any dime-store Santa who thinks he’s the King of Country Music must be crazy.

Perry: That would be true, if you or I tried to croon a country tune. But if my client is who he says he is, then he’s just as sane we are. …or one of us anyway.

Concrete Cowboy: Just what are you getting at, Mr. Gailey?

Perry: Your Honor, I intend to prove that my client is not Santa Claus, but is in fact the one and only George Strait.

Frank: He’s crazy, too!

Just then, a flurry of uniformed delivery men from the United States Postal Service filed into the courtroom carrying sacks and sacks of letters from children all around the world postmarked simply: “Santa Claus courtesy of the New York Superior Court”.

Poking his head through the avalanche of crayon’d addressed envelopes…

Concrete Cowboy: Since the United States government declares this man to be Santa Claus, this court will not dispute it. Case dismissed.

George: Noooooooooo…!

A joyous courtroom mob quickly empties into the gentle snowfall and celebration of Christmas Eve, triumphantly toting back to Macy’s Department store a reluctant and greatly disgruntled Kris Kringle, as their newly heralded Santa.

Leaving behind a dented six string and Stetson. In the stillness of a suddenly lonely courtroom, the judge clears his throat…

Concrete Cowboy (off-key): ♪ All my exe’s live in Texas… ♬

He Who Must Not Be Named
Advent heralds the birth of He Who Must Not Be Named. Not the birth of X. His Father invites us to celebrate, consecrate, or marvel in silence.

The Promise: Emmanuel
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins.

Casablanca: May 18th

Featured

Posted on by

Cast of Characters:

George Strait: Rick Blaine
Tina Fey: Ilsa Lund

Pernell Roberts: Victor Laszlo
Perry Como: Captain Louis Renault
Reggie Jackson: Sam
Pope John Paul II: Signor Ferrari
Concrete Cowboy: Ugarte

Frank Capra: Narrator

With the Germans on the march across Europe, refugees flee to coastal ports in the hope of somehow escaping to the New World. Some through influence or bribery obtain exit visas. Others are doomed to wait in Casablanca.

Frank: At the heart of Casablanca is Rick’s Café Américain. A frequent nightspot for gamblers, thieves, and refugees. And owned by American expatriate Rick Blaine.

Cowboy: You know, Rick. When you first came to Casablanca, I thought…

George: You thought what?

Cowboy [sheepishly]: Hmm, what right do I have to think, huh?

Frank: Ugarte pulls out a chair to sit down, then hesitantly asks permission.

Cowboy: Too bad about those German singers, wasn’t it?

George: They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were the von Trapps, today they’re the grateful dead.

Cowboy: You’re a very cynical person, Rick. If you’ll forgive me for saying so.

George: I forgive you.

Cowboy: You despise me, don’t you?

George: If I gave it any thought, I probably would.

Cowboy: Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh?

George: I don’t mind a ticket scalper. But I object to a cut-rate one.

Cowboy: Well, after tonight, I’m through with the whole business. I am leaving Casablanca.

George: Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself.

Cowboy: Myself. I found myself much more reasonable.

Frank: Ugarte removes an envelope from his pocket and lays it on the table. But just as Rick reaches for it…

Cowboy: One moment, please. You know what these are? Two Golden Tickets to Hollywood – cannot be rescinded or even questioned. Tonight I’ll be selling these for even more money than I have ever dreamed of, and then adios Casablanca.

George: Why not use them yourself?

Cowboy [wistfully]: I thought about that, too. Maybe try out for a part with Cary Grant.

George: …or Bogart.

Cowboy: Or both.

George [dismissively]: Nah. It may be your birthday, but it’s not Christmas.

Cowboy: Will you hold them for me? Just because you despise me, you’re the only one in Casablanca that I trust.

George: Fine. I’ll hide them here in the piano. Because when the police come to search the café, that’ll be the last place they’ll think to look.

Frank: Just then, a flurry of knit tops and knee socks whirl through the café with pastel covered autograph books and glitter pens…

Teeny boppers (with a girlsih squeal): Aayyyiiiiiiiii! It’s Perry Como-ooooooooo!

Frank: …and carry off Ugarte.

Cowboy: Rick! Help me! Please do something! Riiiiiick…!

Frank: But as the doors slam shut and the echo fades, Rick mutters just loud enough for those around him to hear…

George: I stick my neck out for no one.

Frank: And no sooner does the café settle back into its own melancholy distraction, Capt. Louis Renault and a contingent of gendarmes abruptly enter.

Perry: Rick, there’s gonna be an important arrest here tonight. A little demonstration of the efficiency of my administration. Oh, don’t bother trying to warn him, we have all the exits covered.

George: You’re a little late, Louie. Ugarte was just carried off by a bevy of bobby-soxers.

Perry [feigning surprise]: He was? Poor fellow… he may have preferred to have been arrested.

George: Someone put into their pretty little heads that he was Perry Como.

Perry (with a shrug of C’est la vie): I thought it might amuse your guests.

George: Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, Ugarte was thrown out of mine.

Frank: Shortly after which, Signor Ferrari, leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca and owner of the Blue Parrot, visits Rick:

John Paul: Are you a closed mouth man?

George: Naw, I like to talk.

John Paul: Better and better. Now, sir. I’ll tell you right out, I am a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk.

George: Swell. Shall we talk about the black bird?

Frank: Uhhhh… hold up there, Padre. I think your needle skipped a groove. We’re not doing The Maltese Falcon.

John Paul: My apologies. I just saw so many familiar faces… .

George: Same bartender. Different Bar.

John Paul […without skipping a beat]: Rick, I’d like to buy your café.

George: It’s not for sale.

John Paul: What do you want for Sam?

George: I don’t buy or sell human beings.

John Paul: Too bad. They’re baseball’s leading commodity. Suppose we ask Sam?

George: Sam, Ferrari wants to buy your contract.

Reggie: I like it fine here.

John Paul: You haven’t heard my offer.

George: I need a bass player.

John Paul: And I’ll throw in a third base player, and a bubble gum card to be named later.

Reggie: I’ll take it.

George: He ain’t worth all that. What’s your angle?

Reggie: C’mon, Rick. I can still strike-out with the best of ‘em.

George: But you’ll never step to the plate in October again.

Reggie: Get me back to the New York and we’ll just see about that!

John Paul: Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and the Germans have outlawed miracles.

Frank: Later that evening, an attractive couple arrive at Rick’s… Victor Laszlo, a Czech resistance leader and Miss Ilsa Lund. The young woman is so very beautiful that everyone stops to stare.

As Victor wanders off to meet up with a contact from the underground, Ilsa spies an old friend… .

Tina: Where is he?

Reggie: I don’t know. Maybe he’s over at the Blue Parrot recording another hit record.

Tina: You used to be a much better liar, Sam.

Reggie: Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You bad luck to him.

Tina: Play it again, Sam.

Reggie [reluctantly]:

♪ You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply as time goes by… ♬

Tina: No, Sam. You know what I want to hear.

Reggie: I don’t think I remember it.

Tina: I’ll hum it for you. La-da da-da t-da…

Reggie [again, reluctantly]:

♪ All my ex’s live in Texas…
And Texas is the place I’d really love to be
But all my ex’s live in Texas
And that’s why I hang my hat in Tennessee… ♬

George [rushing over]: I thought I told you never to play that!

Frank: But Rick stops abruptly, as he is suddenly face to face with an old love. But quickly regains his composure, as Victor Laszlo and Captain Louis Renault approach.

George: Hello, Ilsa.

Tina: I wasn’t sure you were the same. The last time we met…

George: …it was Yankee Stadium.

Tina: How nice. You remember. But that was the day the Dodgers came to town.

George: Not an easy day to forget.

Tina: No.

George: I remember every detail. You wore blue. Sam wore pinstripes. It was a double-header.

Frank: Following a day with Capt. Renault and Major Strasser, Victor and Ilsa return to Rick’s.

Pernell: You see, here we are again.

George: I take that as a great compliment to Sam. [To Ilsa…] I suppose to you he means Yankee Stadium and happier days.

Tina: He does. Could we have a table close to him?

Pernell: …and as far away from them as possible.

Frank: A crowd of sandal-clad bell-bottom’d beatniks had invaded the night club.

Pernell: They act like they own the joint.

George: They keep talkin’ about taking over Paris, London, New York… .

Pernell: …like little Germans.

George: Well, the geography may be a little difficult, but –

Frank: Rick snaps for a waiter.

George: Oh, and I’ll have Sam play All My Ex’s Live in Texas. I believe that’s your favorite tune.

Frank: Before Sam can sit down at his piano, a distinctive clink-clink! betrays a coin dropping down through a steel slot. An inconsiderate moment later, the jukebox begins to squeal…

♪ Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk
I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk…
Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin’ ali-i-i-i-ve… ♬

Pernell [leaping to his feet in outrage]: Bee-Gees!

Frank: Bounding onto the stage, he snaps up a Gibson acoustic five string.

Pernell: Play La Marseillaise! Play it!

Frank: But the orchestra looks to Rick, who shakes his head no. And the café grows nervously quiet.

Pernell [to Rick through the tense silence]: Did you have something else in mind?

 

Frank: The shrill of Capt Renault’s whistle pierces the smoke-filled air, as scared patrons scurry for the exit.

Perry: This café is closed! Everyone is to leave at once.

George: You can’t close me up! What’s the charge?

Perry: I’m shocked! Shocked! …to hear country music being played in here!

Pernell: Here’s your banjo.

Perry: Oh, thank you.

Frank: Unable to secure exit visas from Signor Ferrari and the black market, Victor returns to Rick under the cover of darkness to persuade him to use the Letters of Transit himself to smuggle Ilsa out of Casablanca. But while there, Victor Laszlo is arrested.

Later, Rick stops by Capt. Renault’s office.

Perry: I’ve often wondered why you never returned to America. Is it because they won’t let you play the Grand Ol’ Opry? or guest host Hee Haw? I like to think you killed disco – it’s the romantic in me.

George: Louie, you’re subtle, but not very funny. Yes, I have the Golden Tickets and I plan on using them myself.

Perry: Wait! Don’t tell me… they were hidden in the piano.

George: I’m leaving Casablanca tonight and I’m taking a friend with me – one you’ll appreciate.

Perry: Ilsa Lund.

George: That oughta put your mind at ease about me helping Victor Laszlo.

Perry: You didn’t come here to tell me this. You have the Golden Tickets. You can fill in your name and hers and leave any time you please.

George: We have legal right to leave, that’s true. But people have been held in Casablanca in spite of their legal rights.

Perry: You want me to release Victor just to catch him later trying to buy the Golden Tickets?

George: I’ll make the arrangements with him right now.

Perry: I think not. I have him in jail now. Why should I release him just to arrest him again?

George: Because if you don’t, I’ll tell everyone you play the banjo.

Perry: Rick, I’m going to miss you. Apparently you’re the only one in Casablanca with less scruples than I.

Frank: But Rick double-crosses Capt. Renault, and at gunpoint takes him, Victor, and Ilsa out to the airport. The runway is cloaked in fog. A plane idles nearby. And of course… in black & white.

Pernell: Well, Ilsa… I guess this is good-bye.

Tina: I’m sorry it had to end this way, Victor.

Pernell: Take good care of her, Rick.

George: We’ll always have Paris. You’ll love Texas this time of year.

Tina: Texas?

George: Uh, yeah… Paris, Texas.

Pernell: There’s nothing for you in Hollywood. Except maybe the odd sitcom, Saturday Night Live, or impersonating some political hopeful. Then if you’re lucky, you’ll host a Hollywood award show.

Tina: C’mon, Victor! Let’s crank this bird up and get outa here!

George: Well, you win, Victor. She’s all yours.

Pernell: Uh, still…. there shoulda been a way for me to lose.

Tina: Whatta y’mean by that?

Pernell: Wait, Tina! I mean… Ilsa! I was just kidding. George, you can’t do this to me! We had a deal! Tinaaaaaaaa!

Frank: The plane quickly evaporates into a moonless night, as Rick and Capt. Renault walk off into the fog.

Perry: How extravagant you are – throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce.

George: I’m thinking of going back to the States. Maybe… write some music, play some concerts, get back out on the road. All I need are need some ideas for songs.

Perry: Well, I might be persuaded to whip up a couple of exit visas. If we leave tonight, we should make Amarillo By Morning.

George: Better make that Tennessee… All my ex’s live in Texas.

Perry: Or maybe go west. I hear Arizona has some lovely Ocean Front Property.

George: Louie, this looks like the beginning of a –

Frank: Suddenly from out of the fog, a crush of squealing teeny-boppers appear.

Perry: Run, George! Run!

George: This isn’t over! I know who you are! And I’ll get you for this!

Frank: …and as Rick and Capt. Renault are chased by the bobby-soxers into the Moroccan night, two shadows emerge from the fog…

Cowboy: Sounded like those silly girls were screaming for Brooks & Dunn?

Humphrey Bogart: Here’s a Merry Christmas to you, kid.

Robin Hood: May 18th
Kneel, Robin. I knight thee… Baron of the Baritones, Earl of the Opry, and the Knight of Nashville.

High Noon: May 18th
They asked about the noon trains and now they’re mad. Why? We don’t have a noon train.

High Noon: May 18th

Featured

Posted on by

Cast of Characters:

George Strait: Marshal Will Kane
Tina Fey: Amy Fowler Kane

Perry Como: Mayor Jonas Henderson
Concrete Cowboy: Helen Ramírez
Pernell Roberts: Frank Miller
Pope John Paul II: Dr. Mahin – Minister
Reggie Jackson: Station Master

Frank Capra: Director

Frank Capra (narrating): Sunday morning wakens the sleepy old west town of Hadleyville. As church bells beckon an unsuspecting townsfolk to the meeting house, through the emptying streets an outlaw gang quietly ride… on the their way to the train depot.

Meanwhile, back in town, Marshal Will Kane vows “I do” to sweetheart Amy Fowler and hangs up his badge and guitar. Just then, the Station Master bursts through the door:

George Strait: Whoa! Slow down! You’re movin’ pretty fast for a Sunday.

Reggie Jackson (visibly upset): It’s terrible! Just terrible!

Perry Como: How bad can it be? You’re not in pinstripes anymore.

Reggie: This came for you, Marshal.

George (reading telegram): They’ve pardoned Frank Miller.

Frank Capra (narrating): A tense hush falls on the assembled gathering.

Tina Fey (noticeably apprehensive): Will, what’s the matter?

George: Years ago I sent a man to prison – he was supposed to hang. But those liberals up north commuted his sentence to life, then gave him own TV show. And now they set him free.

Tina: What does this have to do with you?

George: Don’t you understand? I’m the one who sent him up.

Perry: Will, you need to get out of here.

George: Don’t think I should go. Your new Marshal isn’t due in for another day.

Perry (beaming confidently): I think I speak for everyone when I say: This town will be safe until tomorrow.

Tina: Please, Will. Let’s just go.

George: We’d be alone out on that prairie. And me without a gun.

Tina: If we go right now, I’ll even let you play that silly guitar.

George: It’s no good, Amy. He’ll hunt us down. We’d never be able to keep that store. Seems to me like I need to stay.

Frank (narrating): Will Kane pauses just a moment. Then reaches for his guitar and star hanging on the wall.

George: Why don’t you wait for me here.

Tina: No, I won’t do it. You’re asking me to wait to see if I’ll be a wife, a widow, or a stand-up has-been.

George: I’ll swear in some special deputies. Maybe there won’t be any trouble.

Tina: No, you know there’ll be trouble.

George: Then it’s better it happens here.

Tina (pleading): We were just married… .

George: I know how you feel.

Tina: Do you?

George: I know you don’t like country music. I know it’s against your beliefs.

Reggie (in an ominous tone): Frank Miller’s old gang rode into town this morning… they’re waiting down at the train depot. They asked about the noon train. And now they’re mad.

George: Why?

Reggie: We don’t have a noon train.

Frank (narrating): Newly married Mrs. Kane waits in the hotel lobby for the
train. But not one to leave well-enough alone, she pays a visit to Mrs. Helen Ramierez. Amy knocks on the door…

Concrete Cowboy: Who is it?

Tina: Miss Ramirez?

Cowboy: Yes?

Tina: Hmmm… not sure I have the right room.

Cowboy (sharply): What do you want?

Tina: Please, Helen. It wasn’t easy to come up here.

Cowboy: Why?

Tina: Let my husband go. He still has a chance.

Cowboy: He’s not staying because of me.

Tina: Then why… why won’t he leave?

Cowboy: If you don’t know, I can’t explain it to you.

Tina: Are you packing?

Cowboy (resolute): I’m leaving, too. I don’t want to stay here. When Will dies, this town  dies, too.

Tina (reflective): Can I wait here with you?

Cowboy: If you’d like.

Tina: What time is the noon train?

Cowboy: Ten minutes after Three.

Tina: Are you sure we’re in the right movie?

Cowboy: What is wrong with you? How can you abandon your husband like this? If he was my man, I would fight for him. No matter what!

Tina (defiant): Why don’t you?

Cowboy: He is not my man. He is yours.

Tina: I just don’t think I can do this.

Cowboy: Does the sound of country music frighten you?

Tina: No. But, uhm… seeing you in a dress – that kinda does.

Cowboy: You shoulda seen me trying to get into it.

Tina [smiling]: Tus rodillas son lindas.

Frank (narrating): Scene – rustic country church. The congregation struggles through a half-hearted hymn-sing, when the tall entry doors swing in, and a Gary Cooper shadow falls long into the sanctuary. The chorus falls off into an apprehensive silence:

Pope John Paul II: Yes? What do you want, Marshal?

George: I don’t mean to interrupt your service, Parson.

John Paul: You already have.

George: I’m sorry.

John Paul: You don’t attend services very often, Marshal. And when you got married today, you didn’t think it important enough to get married here.

George (in hesitant confession): It’s true, I haven’t been a church-going man. And maybe that’s a bad thing. And the reason we didn’t get married here today is because… (reluctantly) my wife is a comedienne.

John Paul: …or so she thinks.

Tina [off camera]: Hey!

George: I’m here because there are people here. And I thought I might sing a song. ♪ All my ex’s live in Texas… ♬

Perry: Let’s get the women and children outa here!

Frank (narrating): There’s a mad chaotic stampede into the street, leaving behind a faction of disconcerted men.

George: In case you haven’t heard… Frank Miller is coming in on the noon train.

Frank (narrating): An uneasy murmuring fills the silence.

George: Now, you all know what’s going to happen here today. I need every special deputy I can get.

John Paul: Well… what are we all waiting for? We all know what this man means to our town.

Perry: There was a time when a decent woman couldn’t walk the down the street.

John Paul: …not that we had many of those.

Perry: But before we go rushing into something that’s not of our affair, let’s think about this. Politicians up north are thinking about turning this territory into a state. Do you think those yuppies and snowflakes will want to settle down here if they if they hear our streets are filled with gunfire?

John Paul: …and country music.

Perry: And isn’t it true that Will Kane is no longer Marshal?

George (indignant): What are you suggesting, Mayor?

Perry: Just this: If you’re not here when Frank Miller hits town, there won’t be any gunfight.

George: Soooo…  no cops, no crime – is that your tune?

Perry: Listen, Marshal. We all know what this is about. Well, at least some of us do.

George: I sent Frank Miller away.

Perry: That’s right. Because he murdered one of your songs.

George: What you don’t seem to understand is… your political pals up north not only set Frank Miller free but they also gave him the right to vote. He coming back here, Mr. Mayor… to vote you out.

Perry (pondering deeply for just a moment): Aw’right, everybody! You heard the marshal. We need every man! Ah’m swearing in the whole town as special deputies. Everyone… hurry home and report back here your instruments!

Frank (narrating): The church bells chime three times. Ten minutes later, a long lonesome train whistle wails across the open prairie. Before the train can roll to a stop, Frank Miller jumps off, and with his old gang, heads into town.

Amy tries hard not to look back. But at the sound of gunfire and guitars, she leaps from the train, and races back into town. Only to be caught by Frank Miller. The street empties, as the outlaw calls out…

Pernell Roberts: Marshall! Show yourself!

George (emerging from the shadows): I’m here, Frank.

Pernell: Toss me that six-string.

George: (as the guitar hits the dirt): No one needs to get hurt.

Pernell: Now, drop your gun.

George: You know I can’t do that.

Pernell: Then you leave me no choice.

Tina: Please, Will!

Pernell (picking up the Marshal’s guitar): ♪ Baby, write this down, take a little note to remind you in case you didn’t know, Tell yourself I love you and I don’t want you to go… ♬

Frank (narrating): Holding her ears, Amy desperately attacks her captor. Seizing the moment, Mayor Henderson and the Station Agent pile into the fray and subdue the outlaw Frank Miller.

George (rushing out across the open street): Oh, honey… are you okay?

Tina (with open arms): Yes, dear. I’m…

George (rushing past his bride, scoops up his guitar and caresses it lovingly): I was so worried something might happen to you!

Tina (enraged): Will Kane! You care more about that stupid guitar than me!

George (defensively): Now, Tina! I mean, Amy… that’s just not true.

Tina (rips the badge off her husband’s vest and stomps it into the dirt): Don’t you “Now, Tina” me, you… you… !

George: I was just kidding!

Tina: This is what I think of your singing.

George: No, Tina! Not my guitar!

Tina (waving George’s guitar overhead): Come back here, you Hee-Haw reject!

Frank (narrating): As the locomotive’s bell clangs and puffs of smoke fill the western sky, the chugging and puffing Three-Ten from Hadleyville pulls away from the station. Chased by a pleading George and a threatening Tina wielding George’s guitar.

Perry (picks up the discarded badge from the dust, and proudly pins it on Frank Miller): Guess we don’t hafta advertise for a new Marshal.

Pernell (misty eyed): Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Reggie: Gee, Frank. Never thought of you as the sensitive type.

Pernell: It’s not that. He just stabbed me with the badge.

Casablanca: May 18th
Oh, and I’ll have Sam play All My Ex’s Live in Texas. I believe that’s your favorite tune.

Miracle on 34th Street: May 18th
Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade is about to sing and dance down 34th Street. But one character has decided to celebrate early…

Among Thieves

Posted on by

Genesis 22:7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? 8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

Isaiah 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. 4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

John 1:22 Who art thou? 23 I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. 29 The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. John 10:1 He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Luke 24:7 The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

Matthew 27:11 And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. 31 and led him away to crucify him.

Luke 23:33 And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. Mark 15:27 And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. 28 And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… Isaiah 53:12 He was numbered with the transgressors.

Luke 23:34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Luke 23:39 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. 42 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

John 20:1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. 15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. 16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. 27 Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.

Level Ground
There’s a baggage check at the altar. Come as you are. Don’t leave the way you came.