…then I’d have none and you’d have two.” Paul Hogan as Crocodile Dundee
Once Upon a Time…
Jim Henson struck comedic stardust pairing a self-absorbed Hollywood starlet with a swampy banjo picker.
Who Ya Gonna Call?
Gender diversity: A celebration of mediocrity, sucky sequels, and spinning box office gold back into straw.
…maybe.
Maybe fewer marriages would end if more marriages began with fewer thoughts of the marriage ending.
Cute song though.
Back in the day, we never spoke of divorce. Murder, yes. But never divorce.
But as long as couples marry with the idea that when stuff gets tough divorce is an option, eventually it will be the only option.
BEGIN MARRIAGE COUNSELING SESSION
He may be an ungrateful jerk, but he’s your ungrateful jerk. Ephesians 5:22-24
Talk is cheap. Just like those flowers you bought. Ephesians 5:25-28
END MARRIAGE COUNSELING SESSION
Divorce is the bastard child of selfish desire. It is not a safety valve. No one is better off. And whether children are involved or not… destroys an intact family unit.
Maybe some should have never gotten married in the first place. But the purpose of vows is to keep two together even when the Captain and Tennille cannot.
There may be lotsa reasons to tie the knot… some just as selfish as the divorce to follow. But at the bottom of the list is giving the finger to everyone else.
…not that Chuck and Larry really want to be knotted. What they want is what they got not and matrimony won’t give them: Acceptance.
Love is love? Yeah well… a Buick may be a car but not all cars are Buicks.
The Welcome to Greece ᴘᴏᴄᴋᴇᴛ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛᴏʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʀᴀᴠᴇʟ ɢᴜɪᴅᴇ notes several different definitions for 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, three of which are used in the Bible.
The 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 clarified the deep selfless devotion found in the great Love Chapter as 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲, so that the word 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 would not be confused by our modern-day sex-obsessed translations:
I Corinthians 13
2 And though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not a Buick, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and have not a Buick… .
“Marriage Equality” just sounds like the chicken-scratch of New Math – the cross your fingers and hope that the addition of two like values will somehow equal the sum of two unlike values.
“What is truth?” asked Pilate (who did not wait for an answer).
Culture is not only mathematical, it’s double entry. The inclusion of new notions on the marital side of society’s ledger means something of value must be lost on the other.
…or if everything is marriage then nothing is.
Whatever “Marriage Equality” is or is not, nothing is be more destructive of marriage than divorce.
And though “gay marriage” and divorce are just empty pots at opposite ends of the marital rainbow, they do possess in common one dark thread: Neither is ordained by God.
Once Upon a Time…
Master blaster Jim Henson struck comedic stardust pairing a self-absorbed Hollywood starlet with a swampy banjo picker.
Square Pegs
If want your square to be a square, then you need to let him wear his own pants.
Not for rose. But what’s in a name?
A shadow vaults a fortress wall then steals silently through a forbidden grove to the castle of his enemy. On a moonlit balcony unaware, a fair maiden appears. She speaks:
“O Melvin, Melvin, wherefore art thou Melvin?” Melvin & Juliet – Scene 2 Act 2
Of course, Shakespearean purists will be quick to critique: Juliet wasn’t asking where Melvin was but why he was.
Melvin.
…which he wasn’t.
“To thine own self be true…” but his one true love hated his name though not him, or so she claimed. So, was it any wonder that her romantic misplay “Refuse thy name!” ended in tragedy.
What’s in a name? Well, if a rose were an elephant, would you really want a dozen? What if they were Redskins? or Moses supposes his toes were roses… ♬
Would an overall’d farm lad straw hat and cap gun, sneak into a Saturday matinee double-play featuring Marion Morrison in Soggy Oatmeal followed by Not Jane Russell and the Rather Harmless Man?
Not likely.
Opinions ain’t sonnets n’roses. In a free society, “All the world’s a stage…” and offending someone is inevitable, maybe necessary. The First Amendment not only protects free speech, but guarantees unpopular speech.
Cultural arsonists and some new to our shores ignorantly deny the downright declarations inked in the Bill of Rights, insisting on stuff like… you can’t yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater. But what if there is a fire in the theater? or worse, what if there are…
“Redskins!”
Or what if you just need some devious diversion to rescue other hapless husbands from an evening worse than shakesperean death (…which might be preferable once they’re all discovered down at Mel’s Grill & Ale with a wench in one hand and a pint in the other.)
Amendment XXVIII: What Right doth Thou have to be Offended?
But with a charred wonderbra in one hand and a nutcracker in the other, Juliet and her pink pussyhats set out to cancel everything that offends them – everything that is not them:
Columbus day
Chik-Fil-A
The Dukes of Hazzard
And without the consent of the fans of Major League Baseball, the Cleveland (no longer the…) Injuns now suit up as dreaded Guardians – door-t’door insurance salesmen striking fear in the hearts of harried housewives everywhere.
What a bunch of pussies we’ve become.
But blinded by their own unhinged contempt, society’s Juliets failed to also censor the home locale of the franchise formerly known as the Redskins (a name which is actually older than the team itself) which honors the original white male himself – the one and only redskin-fighting Father of our Nation.
Guess now they’ll hafta move.
The Cowboys will be rebranded next – soon to be The Beta Male Livestock Managers, followed by the Tampa Bay Semi-Aquatic Wealth Redistributors.
Approved rules package for the new season:
• No tackling without permission
• Quarterbacks will be uniformed in pastel pleated mini-skirts
• Half of winning score differentials credited to eachlosingun-winning team
…resulting in – that’s right! you guessed it (and fractions).
The NFL ought to just recoin all their teams adhering to the fantasy league protocols of backroom bars and poolhalls. Something like…
Flaming Rat Breath Snot Nosed Puss Picking Belly-Button Lint Lickers.
This is football: Wear a helmet!
If changing your name doesn’t change your identity but you change your identity anyway, maybe you should just go ahead and change your name: The National Hm-hmm League – yet another Shakesperean tragedy.
Yeah… the truth hurts.
The truth nobody wants to hear is hate.
But names don’t hate. Hate is not a logo, a monument, or a flag. Hate is heart issue – yours. You are what you see in others. And when everything is hate, hate is everything.
So there can be no Redskins, no Dilbert, no Blazing Saddles – not until the closed fist is replaced by an open heart…
The Golden Rule
a few Beatitudes
and Love thy Neighbor
The ground is level at the foot of the cross.
Juliet may have been right about one thing: The Redskins by any other name will still be smelly.
X is for Christmas
If your neighbors accused you of being a Jesus freak, would there be enough evidence in your seasonal display to convict?
Dear Diary
Day 1: Hello, I must be going! I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going… ♬
Right Turn from the Left Lane 