Right Turn from the Left Lane

It’s tough on new moms to balance work schedules and whatever’s left of their social figure with the demands of household duties, especially the petulant whims of him.

No, not the little one.

There’s never enough time to care for you. A simple trip to Planet Fitness takes on the precision planning of a lunar landing.

Tired of watching your hourglass sand clump into cat litter?

Well… so are we, Crisco kid (uhmm, y’know… fat in the can). Ditch that masochistic membership and all them foreign-born As Seen On TV torture devices. Your fret-free home workout awaits: 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚!

Laundry Basket Lift:
Start with a few light loads. Bend the knees and lift with your legs. Then hopscotch those pilotless pull-toys and napping critters to the back steps and down to the laundry room. Don’t mix colors.

Toddler Chase:
Cardiovascular exercise combined with sheer panic: Workout and motivation all in one.

Driveway Dash:
Obstacle run with a trash bag slung over one shoulder and an errantly thrown mud puddle’d newspaper under the other, retrieve the free-wheeling trike from the street while dodging snot-sized raindrops.

Mop n’Glo:
Long strokes with deep knee bends, twist at the hips and back again. Don’t forget to dust first.

Porcelain Polish:
Vigorous forearm and shoulder motion. Imagine Karate Kid only with Clorox cleaner. Improves bust firmness and shape. Well… not really – we just like thinking it does.

Rainy Day Options:
Icebox Whiff an’ Toss
Find the Missing Sock, and of course…
Who Made that Smell?

Then fire up the grill! The most essential ingredient to any rigorous exercise regimen is a healthy and satisfying meal:

One 12 oz. marbled Grade A prime ribeye on the BBQ. Singed and a little pink within. Flavored to taste. Don’t trim the fat – that’s the best part.
Potato planks. Fresh – none of that frozen garbage. Buttered and well-seasoned, of course
Veggies of choice (with “choice” meaning: Do you want ‘em or not?)
Large sweetened tea in a Mason jar with a lemon wedge over ice

Serves one: You’ll find your man corralled in the den riding his Lay-Z-Boy steed to the 4k 1080p Ultra HD plasma TV – boots off feet up and bathed in the symphonic surround sound of Gᴜɴsᴍᴏᴋᴇ (in black & white). He feigns a smile…

Happy Mother’s Day.

Square Pegs
If want your square to be a square, then you need to let him wear his own pants.

Love, Love will keep us Together
Maybe fewer marriages would end if more marriages began with fewer thoughts of the marriage ending.

^{Genesis 22:7} And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? ⁸ And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

^{Isaiah 53:3} He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. ⁴ Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. ⁵ He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

^{John 1:22} Who art thou? ²³ I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. ²⁹ The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

^{John 10:9} I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. ^{John 10:1} He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. ^{John 10:10} The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

^{Isaiah 53:6} All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

^{Luke 24:7} The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

^{Matthew 27:11} And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. ³¹ and led him away to crucify him.

^{Luke 23:33} And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. ^{Mark 15:27} And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. ²⁸ And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… ^{Isaiah 53:12} He was numbered with the transgressors.

^{Luke 23:34} Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

^{Luke 23:39} And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. ⁴⁰ But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? ⁴¹ And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. ⁴² And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. ⁴³ And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ^{Romans 5:8}

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

^{John 20:1} The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. ¹⁵ Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. ¹⁶ Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

^{John 14:6} I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ²⁷ Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.