Right Turn from the Left Lane

Round 1: Queens

• Steve McQueen
• Dairy Queen
• Queen Latifah
• Dancing Queen by ABBA

10 pts for CGI-free Mustang bustin’ Bullitt (or The Getaway, The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape…) 6 pts for an M&M’s Blizzard^® (while immersed in a Steve McQueen Film Fest, add 3 more.) 4 pts for the death of disco (though not entirely their fault). 1 pt for the chick Equalizer. (No pts, if you don’t understand why.)

Round 2: Nineteens

• 1969
• 1619
• 9×19
• 1911

10 pts: .45 ACP (…because shooting twice is just silly). 6 pts: Convenience over need. Plastic BLOCKS are for kids. Steel is real. 4 pts for dope smoking at Woodstock. (Double-up for moon walking with Neil or boulevard cruising a Chevelle SS 396.) 0 pts for the We Hate America Project.

Round 3: Bill of No Rights

• Liberty
• Equality
• Diversity
• (It was an…) ♪ Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini ♬

10 pts: Free men do not ask permission. Or forgiveness. 7 pts …just for singing along. 4 pts: All men are equal. Some are more equal than others. (Welcome to the farm, animals.) 2 pts: Why there ain’t no white Skittles™

Round 4: Alphabet Soup

• GTO
• GQ
• LBGTQ
• BBQ

10 pts: Get Turned On! ‘66 Pontiac 389 Six Pack (not that European weenie mobile). 8 pts for charcoal briquettes. (Should be an easy 10, but y’know… really depends on what’s aflame. 5 pts for propane. Nothing for veggie anything.) 4 pts: Ties were invented by women to make men look goofy. 1 pt for flying the Crayola flag. 9 pts for chiming in with… E-I-E-I-O ♬

Round 5: King Me

• Martin Luther King ^Jr
• King James
• James Taylor
• Taylor Swift

10 pts: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 (lose 8 pts for Lebron) 7 pts for the dream. For dreaming about toppling statues…. lose 6½. 5 pts: ♪ “Ohhh, Ah’ve seen fire and Ah’ve seen rain…” ♬ 2 pts: How many tweets does it take to get to the angry center of a country girl gone pop?

Round 6: Man! (…Friday)

• Black Friday
• Good Friday
• His Girl Friday ¹⁹⁴⁰
• T.G.I.F.

10 pts: …and a better day on Sunday. 8 pts: “Walter, you’re wonderful, in a loathsome sort of way.” 5 pts: Thank goodness, it’s the weekend! (Minus 4 pts for taking His name in vain.) 2 pts: Full-contact, roller-derby shopping. (No pts for skipping out on dessert to gobble up early bird midnight specials.)

Round 7: Rocky Road

• Ben & Jerry
• General Lee
• Three on a Tree
• Hope n’Crosby (and Dorothy)

10 pts for unsynch’d double-clutchin’ (plus two more for knowin’ why). 9 pts: Moonlit skinny-dipping on the Road to Bali. 7 pts on the Road to… everywhere else. 6 pts: You don’t hafta like the man to respect the man or respect the men who do. (Add 2 pts for the Duke boys’ rebel-flagged high-flyin’ Charger. ♪ “Just good ol’ boys…” ♬) 1 pt: Liberals cause ice cream headaches.

Round 8: …is Enough

• Mid-engine C8
• Coulda Had a V8
• Looking for Eight
• Eight o’Clock Original Roast

10 pts: George Strait’s Amarillo by Morning. (9 pts for a tape-eating 8 track in a barn find ‘69.) 7 pts: Eight fold family values with Dick Van Patten. 8 pts for brewing your own. Lose 5 pts for leaving the coffee depot with something like melted cotton candy in a cup. 2 pts: Eight cylinders dicked up your rear may give you an automotive thrill, but you’re still not a Corvette (and neither is the Vette). ½ pt for ditching your 392 Hemi for an AC/DC F’d150. (What kinda wuss trades tuned port dual note oil soaked Detroit steel for a Chinese battery pack that won’t so much as hum?) 4 pts for vegetable juice.

Round 9: Take Me Out of the Ballgame

• Stars and Stripes
• Balls and Strikes
• Black and White
• “Who took my clothes off?”*

10 pts: Brother Greenwood’s 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐁𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐒𝐀. Lose 7 pts for the gender-cleansing rewrite. 8 pts: “I did. We flipped a coin and I won.” Rio Lobo ¹⁹⁷⁰ 3 pts: Baseball at its soul is still a game to be enjoyed and not made perfect. So, let the boys throw spit balls and play in the rain. 0 pts: Critical Race Theory. 7 pts for Gunsmoke or some uncolorized sitcom.

Round 10: Hooters

• 36 – 24 – 32
• 5^3/4 – 3^3/4 – 5^1/4
• 108 – 72 – 96 (aggregate)
• 28 – 28 – 28

10 pts: Miss Swimsuit’s locker combination 8 pts: Any three Townsend Angels. Lose 5 pts with any of those babeless remakes. 6 pts: Bombshell Barbie. Plus 3 pts for pissing-off flat-chested pink pussyhats. 1 pt: Pajama Boy’s flannel onesie

Bonus Round: Men at Work

• Mike Rowe
• Todd Rundgren
• Mr. Mom ¹⁹⁸³
• McLintock! ¹⁹⁶³

10 pts: “I’ve been punched many a time… but never for hirin’ anyone.” 8 pts: “Get ready to get dirty.” 4 pts: “Yeah, 220… 221… whatever it takes.” 3 pts: ♪ “…I just want to bang on the drum all day.” ♬

Dear Diary

Day 1: Hello, I must be going. I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came but just the same, I must be going. ♬

I’m That Kind of Girl ♬

Painting expressions of warmth and harmony, or dancing like nobody’s watching and singing like Kathy Mattea.

^{Genesis 22:7} And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? ⁸ And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

^{Isaiah 53:3} He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. ⁴ Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. ⁵ He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

^{John 1:22} Who art thou? ²³ I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. ²⁹ The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

^{John 10:9} I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. ^{John 10:1} He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. ^{John 10:10} The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

^{Isaiah 53:6} All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

^{Luke 24:7} The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

^{Matthew 27:11} And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. ³¹ and led him away to crucify him.

^{Luke 23:33} And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. ^{Mark 15:27} And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. ²⁸ And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… ^{Isaiah 53:12} He was numbered with the transgressors.

^{Luke 23:34} Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

^{Luke 23:39} And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. ⁴⁰ But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? ⁴¹ And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. ⁴² And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. ⁴³ And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ^{Romans 5:8}

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

^{John 20:1} The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. ¹⁵ Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. ¹⁶ Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

^{John 14:6} I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ²⁷ Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.