Herding Cats

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The ancient Egyptians enslaved Israelites unleashing the wrath of Almighty God. But worshiped cats. Perhaps they understood, unlike our modern pharaohs… nobody owns cats.

Dogs have owners
Cats have staff
(…or so says Mittens’ embroidered throw)

Cats are Bed & Breakfast boarders at best. They dine any time, nap anywhere, and purr beneath the moon. They are self-grooming, self-governing, and always socially distant. Cats are cowboys on the La-Z-Boy frontier.

Dogs are democrats.

But even with the lifting of medical martial law and dog owners dancing naked-face through the aisles of lettuce and grapes, everyone’s just a little too delirious with their refunded freedoms to see… we’re not as free as we used to be.

 

Well, what was the mask mandate but a human leash law?

No gatherings other than Sunday dinner, all workers reclassified into essential vs. non-essential based on their ability to fulfill the needs of the State, and of course you couldn’t go to school but you could burn one down.

Businesses closed
Travel suspended
Churches shuttered
No right to speak, worship, or assemble

And for refusing to wear your muzzle… No soup for you!

To borrow a bumper sticker: Covid control wasn’t about Covid. It was about control.

…Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of “Hey, y’all! Watch this!”

Everyone remembers the highlights, but Jefferson’s Declaration also warned of the threat to freedom beyond just Pharaoh:

“He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers from the EPA, IRS, and OSHA to harass our people…”

So, we went to war with an unelected unaccountable King and his powdered wig bureaucrats for the right to be ruled by our unelected unaccountable neighbors and their lapdog democrats.

Apparently we lost.

Free men do not ask permission. Or forgiveness. And we’re either free or we’re dogs on a leash. Freedom cannot be licensed.

How many men are driving suspended, not for being bad drivers, but for being bad fathers? (Not that a license could transform Mr. Magoo into Mario Andretti but…) if a license, any license, can be revoked for shorting child support then what’s next?

Failure to fly the crayola flag?
Denial of a patron’s personal pronoun?
Singing Jesus Loves Me?

Tyranny is an zero-sum game: If the tyrant cannot control everything, in the end he  controls nothing. The ultimate failure of every evil empire is their inability to herd cats.

If the State therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. Unless, of course, a permit is required then please file your forms in triplicate.
John 8:36  NKJ (Not the King James)

Freedom and bureaucracy are oil and rust.

For tyranny to succeed, individual liberty must be surrendered to the selfish whims of everybody else. And everything must be licensed by the State. Except cats.

Just kidding.

It’s just that cats, unlike the rest of us, refuse to be enslaved by Pharaoh.

Jefferson’s self evident truth declared freedom to be an inalienable gift of the Creator. Mittens understood this from Day Six. The rest of us… eh, we’re still unconvinced.

Free Parking
“Ride it like you stole it.” Thomas Paine (sorta)  Well… he might have said it, had he opened a novelty t-shirt outlet.

Sons of Liberty
Be careful what you wish for. To borrow a bumper sticker quip: Covid-19 control isn’t about Covid-19. It’s about control.

Self-Evident Truth

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The Declaration of Independence
MILLENNIAL MAD LIB EDITION

When, sometime after school (an undefined occurrence in history), it becomes necessary for whoever is marching with us today (a uniquely identifiable culture) to loot and pillage (dissolve the political bands), which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the powers white privileged of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to trending hashtags (public opinion) requires that they should interrupt and shout down (make known) the causes which impel [See Note] them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal @#$%&-ing jerks!, that they the rest of us are endowed by Oprah (a Higher Authority) with free stuff (inherent natural entitlements), that among these are Wi-Fi access (something valued), a living wage (something treasured), and free iPhones (something desired).

That, to secure these rights, woke mobs (organized public bodies) are instituted among gender non-specific earthlings (mankind in general) deriving their just powers from ourselves (the people). That, whenever any form of government right wing republican becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of everyone else (everyone) to topple statues (enact change) and to incite mob rule (form new government), laying its foundation on whatever we feel like (specific ideals), and by defunding the police (defining its powers) in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

We have forbidden…
We have plundered…
We have abolished…
blah, blah, blah… .

We, therefore, like judges on American Idol (national body of decision makers), appealing to Alex Trebek (a Final Authority) for the rectitude [See Note] of our intentions, do, in the name, and by authority of Native Americans, and other indigenous creatures (original settlers), solemnly post on Facebook (publicly announce), that these former European slave trading outposts (British settlements) are, and of right ought to be free and independent states totally dissolved.

And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of network news (Deity), we mutually pledge to each other our online profiles (existence), our EBT cards and hash stash (fortunes), and our sacred honor [See Note].

Note: Words not found in free online Urban Destruction Dictionary. Possible suggestions include:
Impel: Self-evident truth
Rectitude: Anal attitude
Sacred Honor: Patriotic character flaw

Flintstones of Bedrock, USA
The whole purpose of language is communication. Something we’re not doing. Oh, sure… everyone’s talking. But no one’s listening.

Who Ya Gonna Call?
Women should demand men be men. And they could help by letting men wear their own pants. And fire helmets. And proton blasters.

No Taxation without Preparation H

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As colonists, we went to war with an unelected, unaccountable tyrant for the right to be taxed by our unelected, unaccountable neighbors.

Apparently we lost.

Maybe taxes paid at the point of a sword would have been better than our personal lives laid bare by an invasive 1040 form. The IRS tax packet ought to include one of them backless hospital gowns.

Isn’t it enough that the tax code makes everyone feel like an idiot? And it still fails to answer the most basic questions of life:
Of course, it really doesn’t matter how the forms are filled out, they’re always filled out wrong. Prompting an IRS audit, edit, and edict. So, if the IRS already knows all the answers, why are we filling out forms? Why can’t they just furnish the answers, and let us submit the questions.

“I’ll take Dependents for $200, Alex.”

Question: Who are the ex-wife, bookie, and neighborhood stray.

Actually, Jeopardy! would be a more appropriate name for the 1040.

Why should taxpayers with the “approved” kinds of dependents be favored over those with… uhhm… rather unconventional dependents while demanding a greater slice of the budget pie?

Unfortunately, the federal bakery has become a lot like the cable TV – ten thousand channels and nothing on. If they’re gonna take our money, they ought to at least give us some choice in what we get. How about 1040 à la carte?
…and whatever doesn’t get funded, doesn’t get funded.

The problem is we’re all going out to eat knowing someone else is picking up the tab.  So, why pick at a salad when everyone else is feasting on top sirloin. “Oh, Miss?  I’d like everything on the dessert menu to go.”

Of course, the entire purpose of the tax code is not to raise money for the general fund, but to create equality by taxing unequally. And reams of tax forms later, we are unequal still.

“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”
Will Rogers

The Founders believed everyone should pay the same. Not the same rate. The same amount. Article I Section IX of the Authorized Version actually prohibited unequal taxation. But equality was outlawed by Marx and Engels’ 16th Amendment.

Amendment XVI: Welcome to the farm, animals.

Rather than offering to keep our refund for another year or apply it to some sap’s re-election bid, they could at least be sporting about the whole thing and offer us double or nothing:
In reality, it’s not an income tax at all – it’s a “sin” tax. And the sin is success. The greater the success, the greater the penance.

Why tax income at all? We should tax things we don’t want. Like hemorrhoids.

Jeopardy!
That’s right. No beer pong tourneys. No wet T-shirt contests. And no naked runs on the quad. Well, that we know of.

Have It Your Way!
What kind of God would you like? We have God is Love, Our Mother Who Art in Heaven, and Somewhere Out There.

Among Thieves

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Genesis 22:7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? 8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

Isaiah 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. 4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. 5 He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

John 1:22 Who art thou? 23 I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. 29 The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. John 10:1 He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Luke 24:7 The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

Matthew 27:11 And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. 31 and led him away to crucify him.

Luke 23:33 And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. Mark 15:27 And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. 28 And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… Isaiah 53:12 He was numbered with the transgressors.

Luke 23:34 Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Luke 23:39 And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. 40 But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? 41 And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. 42 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

John 20:1 The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. 15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. 16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

John 14:6 I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. 27 Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.

Level Ground
There’s a baggage check at the altar. Come as you are. Don’t leave the way you came.