Lincoln of Gettysburg

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“The world will little note nor long remember…” the other Gettysburg address.

On everything from ancient Greece and the Pilgrims to the honored dead, Edward Everett rambled for two hours – all without notes. The program for the ceremonial event claimed this to be The Gettysburg Address. In a diary entry, he later noted the President expressed his gratitude.

Lincoln’s participation in the ceremony was merely to consecrate “…these grounds to their sacred use.” But then he ascended the podium and delivered a concisely crafted, three-minute, Four Score and Seven address.

And with an eloquence few would soon forget, he spoke of their new nation  “…conceived in Liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.” But he also reminded everyone that the “great task” before them was an “unfinished work”.

Earlier that year, Lincoln had freed the slaves. Well… some of the slaves.

Using the war powers of Commander in Chief, Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation freed those slaves held by territories in violent rebellion against the nation.

Freeing all of them would require the agreement of two-thirds of Congress and three-quarters of the states, resulting in a Constitutional amendment.

Put another way… had the southern states not gone to war with the United States, they would not have lost their slaves: No war, no Emancipation Proclamation, no Thirteenth Amendment.

An irony they never seemed to appreciate.

Of course, freeing the slaves was the goal but the timing was meant to disrupt the war effort of the rebellion, which just seemed to drag on and on.

Lincoln went through generals like Grant went through gin.

The drunken misfit failed at everything in life except warfare. Routing the rebels at Vicksburg, Lincoln appointed him Lieutenant General (a rank last held by George Washington) and gave him command of all Union Armies.

As the story goes… busybodies whined to Lincoln about Grant’s excessive drinking. To which the President replied, “Find out what whiskey he drinks and send all my generals a case.”

Historians dispute the exchange. But as with all folklore, the heart of the tale is bound to contain a pulse of truth.

Whether he did or not is immaterial. Lincoln was a man who demanded results. And Grant was a man who respected a man who demanded results. If the odd couple would never be buddies, they would always be Oscar and Felix.

Grant devised a plan to hasten the end of the war: Sherman’s legendary March to the Sea. The scorched earth warfare would irreparably scar the South. Lincoln approved.

At Appomattox, Lee finally surrendered to Grant. But there would be no trials, no reprisals, and no public hangings. Grant told Lee: Go home and fight no more.

When victory celebrations broke out, Grant ordered an immediate halt: The rebels were again our countrymen.

…which was Lincoln’s hope back at Gettysburg:

“That this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”


Monumental Robert E. Lee
One does not have to like the man to respect the man, or at least respect the men who do.

President George
King George referred to President George as “the greatest character of his age.”

R is for Redskins

Not for rose. But what’s in a name?

A shadow vaults a fortress wall then steals silently through a forbidden grove to the castle of his enemy. On a moonlit balcony unaware, a fair maiden appears. She speaks:

“O Melvin, Melvin, wherefore art thou Melvin?”  Melvin & Juliet – Scene 2 Act 2

Of course, Shakespearean purists will be quick to critique: Juliet wasn’t asking where Melvin was but why he was.

Melvin.

…which he wasn’t.

“To thine own self be true…”  but his one true love hated his name though not him, or so she claimed. So, was it any wonder that her romantic misplay “Refuse thy name!” ended in tragedy.

What’s in a name? Well, if a rose were an elephant, would you really want a dozen? What if they were Redskins? or Moses supposes his toes were roses… ♬

Would an overall’d farm lad straw hat and cap gun, sneak into a Saturday matinee double-play featuring Marion Morrison in Soggy Oatmeal followed by Not Jane Russell and the Rather Harmless Man?

Not likely.

Opinions ain’t sonnets n’roses. In a free society, “All the world’s a stage…” and offending someone is inevitable, maybe necessary. The First Amendment not only protects free speech, but guarantees unpopular speech.

Cultural arsonists and some new to our shores ignorantly deny the downright declarations inked in the Bill of Rights, insisting on stuff like… you can’t yell “Fire!” in a crowded theater. But what if there is a fire in the theater? or worse, what if there are…

“Redskins!”

Or what if you just need some devious diversion to rescue other hapless husbands from an evening worse than shakesperean death (…which might be preferable once they’re all discovered down at Mel’s Grill & Ale with a wench in one hand and a pint in the other.)

Amendment XXVIII: What Right doth Thou have to be Offended?

But with a charred wonderbra in one hand and a nutcracker in the other, Juliet and her pink pussyhats set out to cancel everything that offends them – everything that is not them:

Columbus day
Chik-Fil-A
The Dukes of Hazzard

And without the consent of the fans of Major League Baseball, the Cleveland (no longer the…) Injuns now suit up as dreaded Guardians – door-t’door insurance salesmen striking fear in the hearts of harried housewives everywhere.

What a bunch of pussies we’ve become.

But blinded by their own unhinged contempt, society’s Juliets failed to also censor the home locale of the franchise formerly known as the Redskins (a name which is actually older than the team itself) which honors the original white male himself – the one and only redskin-fighting Father of our Nation.

Guess now they’ll hafta move.

The Cowboys will be rebranded next – soon to be The Beta Male Livestock Managers, followed by the Tampa Bay Semi-Aquatic Wealth Redistributors.

Approved rules package for the new season:

• No tackling without permission
• Quarterbacks will be uniformed in pastel pleated mini-skirts
• Half of winning score differentials credited to each losing un-winning team

…resulting in – that’s right! you guessed it (and fractions).

The NFL ought to just recoin all their teams adhering to the fantasy league protocols of backroom bars and poolhalls. Something like…

Flaming Rat Breath Snot Nosed Puss Picking Belly-Button Lint Lickers.

This is football: Wear a helmet!

If changing your name doesn’t change your identity but you change your identity anyway, maybe you should just go ahead and change your name: The National Hm-hmm League – yet another Shakesperean tragedy.

Yeah… the truth hurts.
The truth nobody wants to hear is hate.

But names don’t hate. Hate is not a logo, a monument, or a flag. Hate is heart issue – yours. You are what you see in others. And when everything is hate, hate is everything.

So there can be no Redskins, no Dilbert, no Blazing Saddles – not until the closed fist is replaced by an open heart…

The Golden Rule
a few Beatitudes
and Love thy Neighbor

The ground is level at the foot of the cross.

Juliet may have been right about one thing: The Redskins by any other name will still be smelly.


X is for Christmas
If your neighbors accused you of being a Jesus freak, would there be enough evidence in your seasonal display to convict?

Dear Diary
Day 1: Hello, I must be going! I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going… ♬