Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

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Posted on March 18, 2019 by The Concrete Cowboy

MILLENNIAL SNOWFLAKE EDITION

Good evening! I’m your host Regis Philbin. Please, join me in welcoming back, Miss Snowflake!

[Raucous audience applause]

Miss Snowflake: Weren’t you the host of the Bachelor In… something?

Regis: Uhm, no.

Miss Snowflake: Sorry. Maybe you jus’ look like him.

Regis: Here’s where you stand: You still have ^$100,000 but you have no lifelines.

Miss Snowflake: I can’t believe I made it this far. And I tried so hard.

Regis: Now we get into the big money questions, so… take a deep breath. And let’s play: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Audience (in unison): Nobody!

Regis: This is your ^$250,000 question:

Miss Snowflake: Well, I know that the plight of the undocumented is, like… in the news and stuff, so, that’s one possibility. And whoever this Margaret lady is, she might really like them wine coolers, y’know?

Regis: I can tell you this: Three of those answers are wrong.

Miss Snowflake: I’m just not sure. The only thing I’m certain of is…. well, we all know you just cannot run out of other people’s money, so… A. final answer.

Regis: No, I’m sorry. That answer is totally correct.

Miss Snowflake (hyperventilating): Oh, no. This can’t be happening.

Regis: Now just try to relax. Remember, the odds are still against you – at some point, you’re going to mess up. So, keep going! And let’s play: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Audience: Nobody!

Regis: For ^$500,000… here’s your question:

Miss Snowflake: Okay, this one’s tricky. Let me think this through – out loud, of course. We were taught in school that Cuba and Venezuela are shining examples of socialism. And everyone knows that the pilgrims were republicans. So, those are all perfectly good answers.

Regis: Take your time. There’s no rush.

Miss Snowflake: The only wrong answer I see up there is… D.

Regis (hesitantly): Is that your final?

Miss Snowflake: Yeah, final answer.

Regis: I’m sorry, D. is correct. Socialism has failed everywhere every time including… .

Miss Snowflake: No, don’t tell me… .

Regis: In order to secure funding for their voyage to the New World, the Plymouth colonists were required to practice a form of socialism called: The Common Course and Condition.

Miss Snowflake: And all them years I spent in the Fifth grade, not one of my teachers mentioned any of this. Not once!

Regis: Moving right along. We’re almost to the end. Cheer up – there’s still a chance of you losing it all and going home with absolutely nothing. But since we have no choice, we have to keep playing: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Audience (loudly): Nobody!

Miss Snowflake (muttering): Why me?

Regis: Here is your ^$1,000,000 question:

Miss Snowflake: This is the big one.

Regis: Yes, it is. So, take your time and talk it through. What are you thinking?

Miss Snowflake: I’m not really.

Regis: Well, that should help.

Miss Snowflake: So, like… no one ever expects you to ever return a library book and, y’know, what are they gonna do about it.

Regis: Uh-huh.

Miss Snowflake: …and gay marriage and marijuana should have always been legal, so how could they ‘ave ever been illegal. Right?

Regis: Uhmmm.

Miss Snowflake: But I feel, like… you can’t make something wrong right just because you made it legal. There’s no such thing as stealing legally. That has to be… I mean, it must be the wrong answer, so that’s my choice: A. Legalized theft.

Regis: Are you sure?

Miss Snowflake (deep breath): Yes, I’m sure. Final answer.

[Silence falls over the audience.]

Regis: I have some bad news for you.

Miss Snowflake: NOooooooo…!

Regis: You just won a million dollars!

[Confetti flies. The crowd riots.]

Miss Snowflake: You mean you’re going to make me go home with a million dollars?

Regis: No, of course not!

Miss Snowflake: Oh, thank goodness! For a moment there, I thought I really was a millionaire.

Regis: No way. We wouldn’t do that to you.

Miss Snowflake: Whew!

Regis: First of all, you have to pay the 90% Ocasio-Cortez tax.

Miss Snowflake: That’s great! So, it’s like… cut in half, right?

Regis: …leaving a hundred thousand dollars. Then we have to deduct state taxes, local taxes, sales tax, tea tax, carpet tax… .

Miss Snowflake (smiling): So, I lost?

Regis: Almost. You’re still left with about ten-thousand dollars.

Miss Snowflake (relieved): Sounds a lot better, though.

Regis: …which must be divided equally among the studio audience. Your share is roughly ^$40.

Miss Snowflake: So, I broke even.

Regis: Sort of.

Miss Snowflake: Of course, I’m still without money for food, rent, or cannabis, but that’s what my EBT card is for. I just love socialism.

Regis (to the audience): Oh, by the way… if anyone parked in the studio lot, all gas-powered vehicles were impounded by the Green Police.

Miss Snowflake: My mommy’s car got towed?

Regis: Well, actually… seized. All owners were issued a Zero Emissions fine… probably more than what you won here tonight.

Miss Snowflake (excitedly): So, I really did lose!

Regis: Oh yeah, you’re all losers.

Audience: Hooray! We’re not millionaires!

Regis: That’s all the time we have for tonight. Join us next week for: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Pink Pussy Hat Edition.

Jeopardy!
Well, you drop to zero – what a shame. But before you go, we have a lovely Civil War statue outside for you to topple.

Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?
Aw’right then. Let’s look at the board. For half a million dollars, the correct answer is….

No Taxation without Preparation H

Featured

Posted on April 8, 2018 by The Concrete Cowboy

As colonists, we went to war with an unelected, unaccountable tyrant for the right to be taxed by our unelected, unaccountable neighbors.

Apparently we lost.

Maybe taxes paid at the point of a sword would have been better than our personal lives laid bare by an invasive 1040 form. The IRS tax packet ought to include one of them backless hospital gowns.

Isn’t it enough that the tax code makes everyone feel like an idiot? And it still fails to answer the most basic questions of life:

Do you live within 2½ miles of a decent pizza joint? 
❏ Yes ❏ No ❏ Extra Cheese

Of course, it really doesn’t matter how the forms are filled out, they’re always filled out wrong. Prompting an IRS audit, edit, and edict. So, if the IRS already knows all the answers, why are we filling out forms? Why can’t they just furnish the answers, and let us submit the questions.

“I’ll take Dependents for $200, Alex.”

Answer: Mitzy, Mugsy, and Mittens

Question: Who are the ex-wife, bookie, and neighborhood stray. Actually, Jeopardy! would be a more appropriate name for the 1040.

Why should taxpayers with the “approved” kinds of dependents be favored over those with… uhhm… rather unconventional dependents while demanding a greater slice of the budget pie?

Unfortunately, the federal bakery has become a lot like the cable TV – ten thousand channels and nothing on. If they’re gonna take our money, they ought to at least give us some choice in what we get. How about 1040 à la carte?

How would you like your payment to be applied? 
❏ Military ❏ Education ❏ Free Stuff for Everybody

…and whatever doesn’t get funded, doesn’t get funded.

The problem is we’re all going out to eat knowing someone else is picking up the tab. So, why pick at a salad when everyone else is feasting on top sirloin. “Oh, Miss? I’d like everything on the dessert menu to go.”

Of course, the entire purpose of the tax code is not to raise money for the general fund, but to create equality by taxing unequally. And reams of tax forms later, we are unequal still.

“The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.”
^{Will Rogers}

The Founders believed everyone should pay the same. Not the same rate. The same amount. Article I Section IX of the Authorized Version actually prohibited unequal taxation. But equality was outlawed by Marx and Engels’ 16^th Amendment.

Rather than offering to keep our refund for another year or apply it to some sap’s re-election bid, they could at least be sporting about the whole thing and offer us double or nothing:

How would you like your refund? 
❏ 8 to 5 at Belmont ❏ 5 to 8 at Leavenworth

In reality, it’s not an income tax at all – it’s a “sin” tax. And the sin is success. The greater the success, the greater the penance.

Why tax income at all? We should tax things we don’t want. Like hemorrhoids.

Jeopardy!
That’s right. No beer pong tourneys. No wet T-shirt contests. And no naked runs on the quad. Well, that we know of.

Have It Your Way!
What kind of God would you like? We have God is Love, Our Mother Who Art in Heaven, and Somewhere Out There.

Among Thieves

Posted on April 3, 2026 by The Concrete Cowboy

^{Genesis 22:7} And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? ⁸ And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

^{Isaiah 53:3} He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. ⁴ Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. ⁵ He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

^{John 1:22} Who art thou? ²³ I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. ²⁹ The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

^{John 10:9} I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. ^{John 10:1} He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. ^{John 10:10} The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

^{Isaiah 53:6} All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

^{Luke 24:7} The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

^{Matthew 27:11} And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. ³¹ and led him away to crucify him.

^{Luke 23:33} And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. ^{Mark 15:27} And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. ²⁸ And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… ^{Isaiah 53:12} He was numbered with the transgressors.

^{Luke 23:34} Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

^{Luke 23:39} And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. ⁴⁰ But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? ⁴¹ And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. ⁴² And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. ⁴³ And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ^{Romans 5:8}

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

^{John 20:1} The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. ¹⁵ Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. ¹⁶ Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

^{John 14:6} I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ²⁷ Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.