Right Turn from the Left Lane

The Declaration of Independence
MILLENNIAL MAD LIB EDITION

When, sometime after school ^{(an undefined occurrence in history),} it becomes necessary for whoever is marching with us today ^{(a uniquely identifiable culture)} to loot and pillage ^{(dissolve the political bands),} which have connected them with another, and to assume, among the ~~powers~~ white privileged of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature ~~and of nature’s God~~ entitle them, a decent respect to trending hashtags ^{(public opinion)} requires that they should interrupt and shout down ^{(make known)} the causes which impel ^{[See Note]} them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are ~~created equal~~ @#$%&-ing jerks!, that ~~they~~ the rest of us are endowed by Oprah ^{(a Higher Authority)} with free stuff ^{(inherent natural entitlements),} that among these are Wi-Fi access ^{(something valued),} a living wage ^{(something treasured),} and free iPhones ^{(something desired).}

That, to secure these rights, woke mobs ^{(organized public bodies)} are instituted among gender non-specific earthlings ^{(mankind in general)} deriving their just powers from ourselves ^{(the people).} That, whenever any ~~form of government~~ right wing republican becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of everyone else ^(everyone) to topple statues ^{(enact change)} and to incite mob rule ^{(form new government),} laying its foundation on whatever we feel like ^{(specific ideals),} and by defunding the police ^{(defining its powers)} in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

We have forbidden…
We have plundered…
We have abolished…
blah, blah, blah… .

We, therefore, like judges on American Idol ^{(national body of decision makers),} appealing to Alex Trebek ^{(a Final Authority)} for the rectitude ^{[See Note]} of our intentions, do, in the name, and by authority of Native Americans, and other indigenous creatures ^{(original settlers),} solemnly post on Facebook ^{(publicly announce),} that these former European slave trading outposts ^{(British settlements)} are, and of right ought to be ~~free and independent states~~ totally dissolved.

And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of network news ^(Deity), we mutually pledge to each other our online profiles ^(existence), our EBT cards and hash stash ^(fortunes), and our sacred honor ^{[See Note].}

Note: Words not found in free online Urban Destruction Dictionary. Possible suggestions include:
Impel: Self-evident truth
Rectitude: Anal attitude
Sacred Honor: Patriotic character flaw

Flintstones of Bedrock, USA
The whole purpose of language is communication. Something we’re not doing. Oh, sure… everyone’s talking. But no one’s listening.

Who Ya Gonna Call?
Women should demand men be men. And they could help by letting men wear their own pants. And fire helmets. And proton blasters.

^{Genesis 22:7} And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb? ⁸ And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb.

^{Isaiah 53:3} He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief. ⁴ Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. ⁵ He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

^{John 1:22} Who art thou? ²³ I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness, Make straight the way of the Lord. ²⁹ The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

^{John 10:9} I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. ^{John 10:1} He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. ^{John 10:10} The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. ¹¹ I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

^{Isaiah 53:6} All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.

^{Luke 24:7} The Son of man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and the third day rise again.

^{Matthew 27:11} And [Pilate] asked him: Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest. ³¹ and led him away to crucify him.

^{Luke 23:33} And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him. ^{Mark 15:27} And with him they crucify two thieves; the one on his right hand, and the other on his left. ²⁸ And the scripture was fulfilled, which saith… ^{Isaiah 53:12} He was numbered with the transgressors.

^{Luke 23:34} Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

^{Luke 23:39} And one of the malefactors which were hanged railed on him, saying, If thou be Christ, save thyself and us. ⁴⁰ But the other rebuked him, saying, Dost not thou fear God, seeing thou art in the same condemnation? ⁴¹ And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. ⁴² And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. ⁴³ And Jesus said unto him, Today shalt thou be with me in paradise.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. ^{Romans 5:8}

^{John 3:16} For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

^{John 20:1} The first day of the week cometh Mary Magdalene early, when it was yet dark, unto the sepulcher, and seeth the stone taken away. ¹⁵ Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away. ¹⁶ Jesus saith unto her, Mary.

^{John 14:6} I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. ²⁷ Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

The Cry of the Rocks
Truth can be ignored but cannot be made untrue. Truth just is, even if held by just one. One plus God.