Twas the Night Before Black Friday

Ah, break one-nine, this here’s the Duck. You gotta copy on me, Big Jen, c’mon?
Ah, yeah, 10-4, Big Jen, fer shure, fer shure. By golly, it’s clean clear to Walmart, c’mon?
Yeah, that’s a big 10-4 there, Big Jen.
Yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive,
looks like we got us a convoy…

It was the dark of the moon with my sister in law, June
In a Car’van cuttin’ fog.
A rust’d out Jeep with its blinker on
And a Camry fulla dogs.

We was headin’ for the mall on I-One-Oh
’bout an hour after t’sun went down.
I said, Big Jen, this here’s Mother Duck
And I’m about to put my latte’ down.

Cause we got a little convoy
Shoppin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a little convoy
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this shoppin’ convoy
‘cross the USA.
Convoy!

Ah breaker, Big Jen, this here’s the Duck and you wanna back off them dogs? yeah, 10-4, ’bout five mile or so. Ten-roger, them dogs is gettin’ in-tense up here.

By the time we got inta Discount town,
We were eight-five cars in all.
But there was a flash sale up on the cloverleaf
And the traffic was wall to wall.

Yeah, them bargains were as thick as bugs on a bumper;
The holiday rush was everywhere.
Halloween’s over. Who needs Thanksgiving?
Xmas is in the air!

Cause we got a great big convoy
Shoppin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a great big convoy,
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this shoppin’ convoy
‘cross the USA.
Convoy!

Ah, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that, Big Jen?
Negatory, Big Jen; you’re still too close. Yeah, them dogs is startin’ to close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten.

Well, we rolled up interstate 44
To an all night red tag sale.
We left our pies in the oven, the men at the game
And the kids sittin’ round the table.

By the time we hit that Toy Town
Them stores was gettin’ smart.
They’d brought up some reinforcements
And filled our wobbly carts.

There were pedal cars, and sleds, and jeeps,
And dolls with big round eyes.
Yeah, our shopping bags were full of toys
of ev’ry shape and size.

Well, we shot the line and packed our trunks
With a thousand screamin’ nuts.
An’ eleven long-hair’d beached bikinis
In a chartreuse micro-bus.

Ah, Mother Duck to Dustbuster, come over.
Yeah, 10-4, Dustbuster? Listen, you wanna put that breaker-bus in behind Grandma’s Caddy? Yeah, she’s haulin’ blind at night and needs all the help she can yet.

Well, we laid a strip for the Jersey Mall
Prepared to shop all-night.
I could see their doors were about to close
an’ not open again till five.

I said, Big Jen, this here’s Mother Duck
We just ain’t a-gonna wait till dawn.
So we crashed the gate doing ninety-eight
I said let them shoppers roll, 10-4.

Cause we got a mighty convoy
Shoppin’ through the night.
Yeah, we got a mighty convoy,
Ain’t she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain’t nothin’ gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this shoppin’ convoy
‘cross the USA.
Convoy!

Ah, 10-4, Big Jen, what’s your twenty?
Omaha? Well, they oughta know how to cook us some steaks out there fer shure.
Well, mercy sakes, good buddy, we gonna back on outta here, so keep the bugs off your glasses and the bears of your… tails.
This here’s Mother Duck on the side, we gone.
Bye-bye!

Maid in America
Ditch that gym membership and all them As Seen On TV devices. Your fret-free home workout awaits.

Love, Love will keep us Together
…maybe. Back in the day, we never spoke of divorce. Murder, yes. But never divorce. Cute song though.