Round 1: Miss Saturday Matinee
• Susan Hayward
• Raquel Welch
• Angie Dickenson
10 pts: One Million Years BC 1966 8 pts: Hannie Caulder 1971
9 pts: The Train Robbers 1973 “I want you to kinda stick out in the right places.”
5 pts: Garden of Evil 1954 “You’re nothing at all. Just nothing.”
2 pts: Big Bad Mama 1974 [edited for content]
Round 2: Man in Demand
• Casablanca 1942
• Tootsie! 1982
• Father Goose 1964
• Live Free or Die Hard 2007
10 pts: “You’re a Timex watch in a digital age”
8 pts: “Maybe if you stopped straightening pictures and let men wear their own pants, they’d be able to touch you without asking permesso!”
3 pts: “I stick my neck out for nobody” 7 pts for Bogie in anything but Casablanca.
½ pt: “I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man.”
Round 3: Hobby Lobby
10 pts: …like nobody’s watching and singing like Kathy Mattea. 2 pts: …naked in the moon-lit clearing around a lurid bonfire of wonderbras.
8 pts: …a pedal powered two wheeler for fun an’ fitness. (No pts for an ungreen e-bike.) 9 pts: …single stack’d ACP through a lightweight commander.
7 pts: …comforters for the neighborhood nursing home. 1 pt: …pink pussyhats for a ditch-the-men getaway to a wicked witch parade.
6 pts: …expressions of warmth and harmony. ¼ pt: …placards and signs for the wicked witch parade.
Round 4: Cancelled Menu
• Grande Mocha Cafè Americano Caramel Miccato with cinnamon and extra whipped cream
• Redskin’d potatoes
• Sunday-less sandwiches
• …with Rockenschpeel!
10 pts: “One more time, Wilma!” ♪ Make your hobby hubby. Keep your hubby happy. When he’s a little chubby, he’s a happy pappy. With Rockenschpeel! ♬
9 pts: Eat Mor Chikin! ™
2 pts for a culturally appropriated melted candybar in a cup (or leaving your favorite depot with anything less than good ol’ fashioned regular coffee).
1 pt: Woke Washington’s new team mascot. 8 pts for squeezing Redskins into casual conversation just for the dirty looks. 7 pts for oven roasted with butter, lemon juice, and garlic.
Round 5: Jeopardy?
• Who Ya Gonna Call?
• What’s Up, Doc?
• Where’s the Beef?
• When the going gets tough…
10 pts: “Who do you think they’ll arrest? The girl in the tub or the guy with his pants down.” (with Ryan O’Neal and Barbara Streisand) 9 pts for Bugs and friends.
7 pts: …the tough go shopping (and leave the man-made kitchen mess behind).
6 pts: Ghostbusters the original. No pts for Ballbusters: No Men Allowed.
1 pt: Fake steak and phony burgers? (Well, you are what you eat.)
Round 6: A Holiday to December
• Joy to the World ♬
10 pts: He who must not be named. 8 pts for Three Dog Night
5 pts: The airing of grievances (not Matt Dillon’s sidekick).
2 pts for celebrating the birth of the sun rather than the birth of the Son. 6 pts for the Pontiac.
1 pt for being a pothead.
Round 7: Cats n’ Hats
• Josie and the Pussycats
10 pts: ♪ …long tails and ears for hats ♬ Bonus pts for an original LP with
(soon to be Angel) Cheryl Ladd on the skins.
9 pts for choosing life. (No pts for choosing self.) 8 pts for education and vaccination choice. And that mindless twit all alone in her bubble mobile choosing to wear her obedience mask… priceless.
3 pts: Hands off my pussy!
½ pt: Personally we prefer Major Nelson’s “Master”.
Round 8: Suff’ring Suffrage
• Almost the XXVIIth
• Should be the XXVIIIth
• Prohibition Repealed
• Vote for Gracie
10 pts: Down With Common Sense! If the country’s going Gracie, so can you!
9 pts: 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐍𝐨 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝.
4 pts: …plus the 19th Amendment equals DUI (democracy under the influence).
2 pts: The ill-fated ERA. (7 pts for thinkin’ it had something to do with baseball.)
Round 9: Back to Old School
• Vanity 6
• Waylon & Willie
• Mary Chapin Carpenter
• Nancy Sinatra
10 pts: Good Hearted Woman 1976 spinning at 33⅓ rpms
9 pts: Passionate Kisses 1992 on a dashboard melted compact disc
4 pts: These Boots are Made for Walkin’ 1966 on an in-dash tape-eating 8-track
0 pts: Nasty Girl 1982 played-out cassette tape
Round 10: Crosswalk
• Burger King Religion
• LED NIV
• Cowhide Authorized Edition
• The Blues Brothers
10 pts for totin’ your own. No pts for tearing out Ephesians 5.
8 pts: “We’re on a mission from God.” (The original not the dopey sequel. Hollywood remakes are a lot like paraphrases: Something gets lost in translation.)
3 pts: When the power goes out, your 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝 is Gone with the Wind.
1 pt: What kinda God do you want? He made me this way, Our Mother which art in Heaven, or Somewhere out there. Have it your way… ♬
Bonus Round: Who’s that Girl?
• Patty Loveless
• Princess Leia
• Arsenic and Old Lace 1944
10 pts: ♪ But if you’re lookin’ for a real romance, I’m that kind of girl… ♬
8 pts: ‘66 topdown T-bird. (Lose pts for letting those outlaw chicks drive her off a cliff.) 9 pts: No shirt. No shoes. No problem.
6 pts: “This is some rescue! You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.” 7 pts: Slave girl Leia (1 pt: Rainbow Disney’s General Patton Leia)
2 pts: “In Elderberry wine… one teaspoon of arsenic, half a teaspoon of strychnine, and just a pinch of cyanide. One gentlemen found time to say, How delicious!”
I Don’t Want to Work… ♬
StrengthTest for Men. Take your best shot! Win a prize for your favorite gal (or ring the bell and dump her).
If You Gotta Go, Start Early
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand the whole time.