I. Thou shalt have no other gods but thee.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of someone’s god in vain, unless thou be like completely @#$%&!-ed off.
III. Remember the Sabbath to go shopping.
IV. Honor thy Father and thy Father’s boyfriend, thy Mother and her gender nonspecific significant other, Mother Earth… .
V. Thou shalt not eat meat. Meat is murder. (Mmmm… tasty, tasty murder.)
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (But love-less anonymous hooks-up are okey-dokey.)
VII. Thou shalt not kill. Unless the pre-born thing possess some imperfection, be unwanted, or otherwise pre-ordained to vote Republican.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal. Vote instead for a government that will.
IX. [This commandment purposely left blank for some future outrage.]
X. Thou hast the right to remain silent. Thou hast the right to an attorney.
Jeopardy! Millennial Edition
Must’ve sucked to go to school on President’s day when there was none. Alex: You have no idea.
Have It Your Way!
What kind of God would you like? We have God is Love, Our Mother Who Art in Heaven, or Somewhere Out There.