Name: Kris Kringle (aka: Santa)
Age: A little older than his teeth
Known associates: Jingle and Jangle (elves), Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen
Last seen: On 34th Street
At one time, he was everywhere – ringing bells at red kettles, bouncing whiny kids on his knee, and hanging with Frosty, Rudolph, and leftover Halloween inflatables (because nothing says “Christmas” like a giant blow-up pirate ship).
Now, the jolly Elf’s mug can only be found on milk cartons. If they still make milk cartons. Or milk.
Won’t be long before holiday motorists slap their rear-ends with: You Can’t Spell Festivus Without St. Nicholas.
But without a reason for the season, winter solstice is nothing but a string of meaningless light festivals, pointless celebrations, and max’d-out shopping; which now kicks-off on Unthanksgiving Day (followed by Black an’ Blue Friday) and runs pell-mell through Full Contact Mid-Winter Eve.
And a handful of lights just ain’t enough anymore. Lawn decorations have exploded into neighborhood extravaganzas with dazzling light shows. And all those quaint Santa Claus is Coming carols have been drowned out in endless holiday Mariah Carey noise: All I Want For Holly Jolly Rockin’ Round the 12 Days of Happy Holiday Is You.
But somewhere in the background… hidden behind the Grinch, Charlie In The Box, and an odd assortment of two-dimensional misfit characters… a manger. Hmmmm… what Child is this?
“For unto you is born this day… a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.”
Nah, it’ll never catch on.
He Who Must Not Be Named
Advent heralds the birth of He Who Must Not Be Named.
Not the birth of X.
The Birth of Christ
Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day… a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.