Mʏsᴛᴇʀʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ Hᴀᴜɴᴛᴇᴅ Sᴄʜᴏᴏʟʜᴏᴜsᴇ

Screaming at the screen doesn’t help. Shag and Scoob, and the rest of the Mystery crew, always wander into the dark and scary shadows unaware of the danger lurking there.

The suspects may change, but the solution is always the same.

Scooby-Doo 101: To solve the mystery, solve the crime.

CSI begins with a one-desk-fits-all warehouse where education goes to die: Curiosity bled through indoctrination, critical thinking erased by cultish dogma, and free-thought deadened from complacent submission.

Lured by the temptation of educational equity (and a free lunch), trick-or-treaters disappear from dawn to dusk only to emerge witless shells of themselves howling at a TikTok moon.

Yeah, the dungeon masters preach diversity, but then squeeze tiny bodies and minds into freakish uniforms in their experimental laboratories and lobotomize their victims of any competitive workplace (or academic) skills. Till finally, the brainless zombies are released into Villages of the Darned with equivalency degrees in:

•  White Men are Evil
•  The Graveyard of Capitalism (and  “Zoinks!” …)
•  Witches, Warlocks, and the Founding Fathers

Oh, sure… fraidy-cats can always hide out in some horror-free haven, but they’d have to scare-up the admission fee themselves – in effect paying twice: Out of pocket tuition on top of unrebated school taxation, which is spirited away and never seen again. Along with their souls.

Trick or Treat: Is school choice the solution or just a clue?

Nothing else is run this way. Would you let the straw-brained scarecrows of Internal Revenue take your grocery dough then tell you where to shop and what to buy?

Money should follow the little monsters wherever they lurk: In town, out of town, the outer limits.

After all, we expect their mummies to make other life-altering decisions, why not education? If they can pick out a fright-lite video for family fun night, certainly they can figure out the least possessed schoolhouse in the neighborhood. Not to mention that an empty class here or there would help expose problem areas (…which is also why not).

But don’t think “choice” means you actually have one, because you really don’t. Not unless where and when also includes to go or not. If not, one episode ends the same as another. And the nightmare continues.

Sure… you can pack the tykes off to 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐈𝐧𝐜. but can you make them think?

The creature must obey its master – if not mom and dad, then the mad scientists of the sinister state.

Truancy laws dissolve the authority and responsibility of parents. Compulsory attendance is imprisonment and public schools… nothing more than juvenile detention centers. (Kids serve life so parents can return to a life before kids.)

Forced education is indoctrination: There is no learning without free will.

The cruel reality is changing schools like changing channels doesn’t really change much. A cast of fresh faces in new roles and different places will still be haunted by the same ol’ ghosts.

…minus any celebrity guest stars (outside of drag queen story hour).

To be frightfully frank, it doesn’t really matter how school choice is cooked-up, it’s all just so much witch’s brew without its most gruesome ingredient: Customers. And no, parents are not customers.

Neither are the goblins. But the goblins make the rules because they rule the money. So, your choice is theirs.

Parents are nothing (…except in the way).

Which exposes another Halloween-ish prank: Why are the childless paying for the non-existent to sit in invisible desks?

Well… if the goblins can make you go, and make you pay to go, then they can make you pay even if you don’t go. So…

 What is public education but legalized theft?

Die Hard: Welcome to the party, comrades!

Poker pros have this notion… whenever you find yourself at a table and you don’t know who the sucker is – it’s you. Well, did you take a honest look around your remote-learning kitchen table? The shutdown/lockdown was never about Covid. It was about control.

…suckers.

To ghost-edit Dostoevsky:

We lay freedom at their feet and say: Make us your slaves but feed our kids gender neutral environmentally sustainable rainbow affirming Scooby Snacks.

Free men are citizens. Subjects are zombies. 𝑹𝑰𝑷

Giggling Green Ghosts:  (…Ruh-roh!)

But before the credits rolled on Saturday morning’s cartoon lagoon, the sideshow apparitions were always unmasked to reveal the devious minds behind the crime:

•  Public Unions of the Ungrateful Dead
•  Ghoulish Tenured Teachers, supported by…
•  “Proud of My Little Demon” Minivan Moms

Free for all education (which isn’t free and costs more than if it wasn’t free), Soviet bureaus of propaganda, and trick or treaters sacrificed to the goblins of convenience. Yeah… there’s your crime.

Oh, Scooby-Doo! Where are you?

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights
The goal of education is to obtain a diploma, not an education. The diploma is needed to pay for the education. The education is not.

The Way Outs
Kids need less classtime and more playtime, time with dad, and the Flintstones.