Once Upon a Time…

And long before Disney ruined the Muppets (and Star Wars, and Pixar…), master blaster Jim Henson struck comedic stardust pairing a self-absorbed Hollywood starlet with a swampy banjo picker.

Of course, not even Uncle Walt (or Industrial Light and Magic) could transform Kermit into her handsome prince. Some frogs are just frogs.

Well, of course, they are – all couples are odd.

So, he likes stand-up bears and five strings. And she… anything but – so what? How many first dates never see a second because the couple-to-be confuse similarity with compatibility?

Sure… shared values are invaluable. “Can two walk together except they be agreed?”  But shared interests? …not so much.

Engaged, two gears are in sync though spinning in opposite directions.

What is a prince, after all? Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the most useless one of all? Can a prince wrench a leaky sink, program the royal DVR, or double clutch a floor mounted stick?

Sleeping Beauty dreamed of a kiss from her true love. Years of disillusionment later, she awakened to discover Mr. Charming was merely a boyish reflection of herself. Rather than the opposite of herself – a frog.

Two identical identities are less a couple than they are two short of two couples. But love is blind (and a little deaf), and really dumb.

Okay… Aurora’s white knight dueled fire-breathing dragons. Old school Han Solos routinely performed feats of derring-do on their way to rescue the princess and pick up the dry-cleaning, leaving little doubt as to who wore the pants.  Or pantaloons.

But what in the world happened to the gunslinging scourge of the galactic Empire? …after Disney’s broom riders redrew Princess Leia as General Patton (minus his charming personality).

Culture is not only kinetic, it’s double entry: Anything imposed on one side of society’s ledger must be subtracted from the other.

Pink pussy hats clamor for some mathematical equality, which… bottom line adds up to sameness. In the end, they wind up frustrated and alone: They can’t be men, they don’t want men to be men, and they hate men for it.

Political correctness: Always having to say you’re sorry.

Feminism promised fulfillment in freedom from men.

But in shedding vulnerability, today’s women miss out on life’s simplest and most organic pleasure… needing and being needed. To be everything their man is not; providing what he cannot: The answer to a question, hope from sorrow, a light in darkness. And gaining in return what they can never be – he.

Understanding that, though, would make them dependent, accepting it would make them women. Something they are not allowed to be.

Miss Piggy was just another muppet until she fell rump over snout for her frog. And giving birth to a family of sequels, syndication, and DVD sales… they lived happily ever after.

But you have to kiss a lot of Prince Charmings before you find your frog.


Josie and the Pussycats
What more could any red blooded American boy want in a Saturday morning matinée?

Flintstones of Bedrock, USA
We don’t have to play on the same team, but it would help if we all played the same game.