I. Thou shalt have no other gods but thee.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of someone’s god in vain, unless thou be like completely @#$%&!-ed off.
III. Remember the Sabbath to go shopping.
IV. Honor thy Father and thy Father’s boyfriend, thy Mother and her gender nonspecific significant other, Mother Earth… .
V. Thou shalt not eat meat. Meat is murder. (Mmmm… tasty, tasty murder.)
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery. (But love-less anonymous hooks-up are okey-dokey.)
VII. Thou shalt not kill. Unless the pre-born thing possess some imperfection, be unwanted, or otherwise pre-ordained to vote Republican.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal. Vote instead for a government that will.
IX. [This commandment purposely left blank for some future outrage.]
X. Thou hast the right to remain silent. Thou hast the right to an attorney.
Must’ve sucked to go to school on President’s day when there was none. Alex: You have no idea.
Have It Your Way!
What kind of God would you like? We have God is Love, Our Mother Who Art in Heaven, or Somewhere Out There.