Miss America 2.0: Sisterhood

The Angels are as accomplished as they are beautiful. And confident. And independent. And stylish. And did we say beautiful? But are still seen as subservient to the Agency patriarchy.

Score: 2 (dress size)

Miss Bedrock married her man and took his name before having his baby. Yeah, I know, right? Like… what was she thinking?

Score: 0 (hubby wins argument)

Miss Barbie drew wide-spread praise for never having married her boy-toy, Ken.

Score: 50+ (years in production)

Miss Castaway lost points for remaining faithful to her very distant fiancé, even though he’d never find out and probably didn’t exist anyway.

Score: 3 (seasons on the Island)

Cinderella left her ugly step-sisters and step-mother behind to marry Mr. Charming, move into his castle, and live happily ever after.

How can it get any worse than this?

Score: 0 (Academy Awards)


Next Week: Miss America 2.0: And the Winner Is…!

Miss America 2.0: Talent Night
Miss Hooters was disqualified and promptly escorted from the premises.

Miss America 2.0: Pantsuit Competition
Mary Ann was voted: Most Favorite Gal to be Shipwrecked With.

Miss America 2.0: Getting Woke
Pajama Boy roasted weenies.