Miss America 2.0

Going Woke

Instigating a violent street protest, Miss Angry at Everything cursed and spit on the Blue Line, returned a volley of smoke canisters, then set a patrol car ablaze.

Pajama Boy roasted weenies.

Score: 61.1 (local ord: illegal BBQ)

Mrs. Charming issued a decree for a Royal Ball with a command performance by Lynyrd Skynyrd. All her subjects through-out the kingdom were granted invitations. Even the step-family. (She really didn’t seem to grasp the whole unhappy-wifey bit.)

Score: 4 (glass slipper size)

Miss Pussy Hat shimmied up a flagpole to remove the Stars n’Stripes, then set it afire and danced in the flames. Naked.

Score: 57 (stars… 1 for each state)

The Angels didn’t seem terribly upset by anything or anyone enough to protest. And they love their men. (What’s up with that?)

Score: II (that other Mustang)

Miss Jeep Girl and girlfriend (with bullhorn) harassed, broke windows and graffiti’d the RNC’s HQ. Arrested, released and arrested again. Posted to Youtube, and interviewed by fake news. All before noon.

Score: 4×4 (locking front and rear)

Miss Walmart disclosed on-air that the original 1961 Ken doll was modeled off Ruth Handler’s son. Meaning Ken and Barbie are actually brother and sister.

Barbie then went all Jerry Springer on that “fat @#$%&!-ing slob” from Walmart. Live.

The judges wet themselves.

Score: 57 (Toy department)

More… Miss America 2.0

Talent Night
Miss Hooters was disqualified and promptly escorted from the premises for her rendition of Paula Cole’s Where Have All the Cowboys Gone.

Pantsuit Competition
Mary Ann was voted: Most Favorite Gal to be Shipwrecked With. Measurements: (Would be fun to find out).

The Sisterhood
Heart stoppers: Lee Majors, Bruce Boxleitner, John Forsythe. Dark horse trifecta: Farrah to Win, Jacklyn to Place, Kate to Show.

And The Winner Is…!
There she is, Miss America 2.0! There she is, your ideal!
Score: 100 (lbs of manure left on-stage)