Miss America 2.0: Pantsuit Competition

Miss G.I. Jane wowed the judges in gender bending digital urban camo print fatigues. Split decision: Reaped a pile of points for a semi-decent Jim Nabors impression, but got slammed for the cultural mis-appropriation of a non-womyn’s militaristic uniform.

Score: 5.56 (NATO)

Mary Ann was voted: Most Favorite Gal to be Shipwrecked With. Her outfits were sexy yet feminine, casually daring and still modest. But not slutty, which hurt her score.

Score: 3 (island bachelors)

That Crooked Woman modeled a jumpsuit of black and white horizontal stripes with a nine digit number across the front. Judges awarded her a sledgehammer.

Score: 28 (Cell block D)

Snowflake Boy was visibly shaken by the raves for his flannel onesie and evaporated into his/her cry closet.

Score: 60 (tissues in a box)

Jeep Girl strutted the stage in a braless crop top, canvas bib overalls with a hole in the knee, and unlaced mud boots. The judges were excited.

Score: 3.75 x 3.90 (bore x stroke)

The judges criticized Barbie’s extensive wardrobe for lacking any outfits for “Street Walker Barbie” or “S&M Barbie”.

Wilma giggled.

Score: 5 (2+2= )


Next Week: Miss America 2.0: Getting Woke

Miss America 2.0: Talent Night
Miss Hooters was disqualified and promptly escorted from the premises