Miss G.I. Jane wowed the judges in gender bending digital urban camo print fatigues. Split decision: Reaped a pile of points for a semi-decent Jim Nabors impression, but got slammed for the cultural mis-appropriation of a non-womyn’s militaristic uniform.
Score: 5.56 (NATO)
Mary Ann was voted: Most Favorite Gal to be Shipwrecked With. Her outfits were sexy yet feminine, casually daring and still modest. But not slutty, which hurt her score.
Score: 3 (Island bachelors)
That Crooked Woman modeled a jumpsuit of black and white horizontal stripes with a nine digit number across the front. Judges awarded her a sledgehammer.
Score: 28 (Cell block D)
Pajama Boy was visibly shaken by the raves for his flannel onesie and evaporated into his/her cry closet.
Score: 60 (tissues in a box)
Jeep Girl strutted the stage in a braless crop top, canvas bib overalls with a hole in the knee, and unlaced mud boots. The judges were excited.
Score: 3.75 x 3.90 (bore x stroke)
The judges criticized Barbie’s extensive wardrobe for lacking any outfits for “Street Walker Barbie” or “S&M Barbie”.
Score: 5 (2+2= )
More… Miss America 2.0
Miss Hooters was disqualified and promptly escorted from the premises for her rendition of Paula Cole’s Where Have All the Cowboys Gone.
Mrs. Charming issued a decree for a Royal Ball with a command performance by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Heart stoppers: Lee Majors, Bruce Boxleitner, John Forsythe. Dark horse trifecta: Farrah to Win, Jacklyn to Place, Kate to Show.
And The Winner Is…!
♪ There she is, Miss America 2.0! There she is, your ideal! ♪
Score: 100 (lbs of manure left on-stage)