Coulda Had a V8

Long story short: After a spat with Enzo Ferrari, a sorely miffed Henry Ford directed master-blaster Carroll Shelby to build a LeMans beater, giving birth to the GT40 MkII with its carnivorous 427 big block stolen from grandma’s Galaxie.

Back in the sixties, those GT40s decisively whipped Ferrari and an odd assortment of European weenies with a Win, Place, and Show at Le Mans. Then went on to dominate the series for years to come, until race organizers outlawed the 427 (because when losers lose they change the rules. And they whine.)

Though short-lived, the millennial road-going GT was still a fire-breathing supercharged V8 of three hundred something cubes. Which makes it odd that Dearborn decided to resuscitate the sacred nameplate, but this time with a V6  …a 3.5 liter EcoBoost V6 (because nothing screams performance like a Big Gulp™ of Eco).

That same not-an-eight underpowers their retro pony. And just as it did in the seventies, the gelding has wandered off trail into Mustang II territory with a “performance package” that replaces the Eco six with a funky four.

But half the cylinders is still only half a car, with or without boosted-Eco.

Unfortunately, Ford’s V6 fetish doesn’t end there. Guess what’s not under the tin-foiled hood of the F150? Two cylinders. The over-hyped wrench and horsepower numbers are meant to reassure the blue-oval faithful, but all the comparisons only confirm what it ain’t. It ain’t an eight.

And what kinda wuss trades tuned-port dual-note oil soaked Detroit steel for an AC/DC F’d 150 plugged into a Chinese battery pack that won’t so much as hum?

Sure… Henry’s famed factory will let buyers assemble something bigger… a little eight. But all the real trucks begin at F250 (emphasis on the two) or sport bow-ties and ram horns.

And let’s face it… without an eight, a truck is just a big ugly car.

All engines are innately eights. Sixes, fours (and effeminate fives) are factory neutered to appease some kingly decree. But fuel efficiency is not a dealer option – an abused six is still less economical than any responsibly driven eight.

Ultimately, both performance and economy are expressions of freedom: Man’s inalienable right to be governed solely by the sole of his right foot.

Maid in America
Ditch that gym membership and all them As Seen On TV torture devices. Your fret-free home workout awaits.

I Don’t Want to Work… ♬
GTO: Get Turned On! ‘66 Pontiac 389 Six Pack (not that European weenie mobile).