Jeopardy! Millennial Edition

One category left: US Government. You control the board, Pajama Boy.

Stop yelling at me.

My apologies.

Four hundred, please, Mister Alex.

Here’s your clue:

The Electoral College, responsible for the 
election of the US President, most notably 
has none of these.

What are keg parties and panty raids?

Uhhh, I’m sorry, no. Anyone else? Señor Wall Climber?

No hablo Inglés.

How about you Miss Pink Pussy Hat?

DEATH TO THE PATRIARCHY!

students. The Electoral College has no students. Because… The Electoral College is not a college.

So, like… no White Privilege or Feminist Equality studies?

That’s right. No beer pong tourneys. No wet T-shirt contests. And no naked runs on the quad. Well, that we know of.

Your attempt at humor offends me.

Thank you. Pick again, Pajama.

Eight hundred, Alex.

Answer…

The United States has 
this form of government.

That’s easy. What is a democracy?

No, I’m sorry.

When you say “form”, do you mean, like… a shape or color?

You are a … uhmm… college student, aren’t you?

That’s right, Alex! For the past 17 years!

The United States is a Constitutional Federated Representative Republic. Not a democracy.

So, we don’t get a vote?

You do vote.

…but it doesn’t count, I bet.

You need to understand, the Founders feared the tyranny of the majority as much as they feared the self-indulgent whims of a monarchy. So, they created a buffer between the will of the people and what they thought was in best interest of the people: The Electoral College.

By “Founders”, you mean those white homophobic European racists, who slaughtered Indigenous people and denied women control over their bodies?

Moving right along, pick again.

Twelve hundred, Alex.

At the 1787 Constitutional Convention, 
the Founding Fathers knew the nation needed a strong 
national this, something which the Articles of Confederation 
failed to provide.

What is single payer health insurance?

No. The answer is… President.

Must’ve sucked to go to school on President’s day when there was none.

You have no idea.

Sixteen hundred, please.

Electoral votes are proportionally weighted 
in favor of smaller states, 
protecting the heartland of America from this.

What are red state haters clinging to their Bibles and guns?

Uh, no. What are coastal population centers?

I get points ‘cause my answer was better, right?

To get the most votes, all a campaign would need would be the East and West coasts: Washington DC to New York City and Sacramento to San Diego.

What else is there?

…the rest of the country. The Electoral College may seem a bit clunky at times and may not have operated even as our fore-fathers desired, but it preserved the states. To become President, a candidate must win entire states. It is possible to win the popular vote and still lose the election. Most recently… Trump vs. Clinton in 2016.

I voted for Hillary… a lot!

And now the last clue:

In 1992, this third party candidate garnered 19% 
of the popular vote but zero electoral votes.

Who is RuPaul?

Oh, you were so close. The correct response is: Who is Ross Perot?

He’s a drag queen, too?

Because a candidate has to win entire states, the Electoral College has protected us from a myriad of third-party fringe candidates. They can run, but their chances of winning are slim to none. The Electoral College has given us a de facto two-party system. Heh! One party on Saturday night and the other on Sunday.

[crickets]

My instincts tell me not to bother, but we’ll dive into Final Jeopardy with this topic: Current Events. Good luck, contestants.

The Millennial generation, better known for their 
self absorption and desire for immediate gratification, 
too often “melt” at the mere hint of responsibility, 
affording them this well-deserved 
wintery precipitation nickname.

Thirty seconds.

[Jeopardy music plays softly]

We come first to Mister Wall Climber..

No hablo Inglés, señor.

¿Y cuántos pesos apostaste?

Todas

Entonces te irás sin nada.

¡Trump apesta!

Now, onto Miss Pink Pussy Hat.

RELIGIOUS RIGHT WING ZEALOTS EAT #$%@&!

Well, you drop to zero – what a shame. But before you go, we have a lovely Civil War statue outside for you to topple.

*&^%$# YOU!

Well, Mr. Pajama, you had a very impressive negative dollar amount… how did you respond?

This was easy – it’s us.

“What are Snowflakes?” That is correct.

So, I won?

Well, you had no money.

So, I won!

Yeah, that’s right. You won.

Sweet. What do I get?

We have a lovely participation ribbon for you.

Nice! I’ll put it with the rest.

Fortunately, that’s all the time we have for tonight. Join us tomorrow for: Jeopardy! Gender Confused Ten Year Olds.

 


Monumental Robert E. Lee
Lee observed, “It is good to have one real American here.” To which Parker replied, “Sir, we are all Americans.”

President George
King George referred to President George as “the greatest character of his age.”